Fly the Friendly Skies

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

USAIR jokes

Top 20 U.S.Air advertising slogans: 1. U.S.Air: When you just cant wait for the world to come to you. 2. U.S.Air: We’re Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On certain flights, every section is a smoking section. 5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. 6. Our staff … Continue reading

halted flights

A dense fog halted all flights from the big airport. The lobby soon filled with passengers eager to be on their way. Most of them philosophically accepted the airlines’ obvious explanation about the fog. One whippersnapperish woman, however, refused to be satisfied. Taking a position directly in front of the … Continue reading

Software Safety & Reliability

From a talk given by Professor Nancy Leveson, Dept of Computer Science and Engineering, University of Washington, on Software Safety & Reliability (IEEE & ACM Sponsored 4/20/94): An F16 pilot was sitting on the runway doing the pre-flight and wondered if the computer would let him raise the landing gear … Continue reading

Can’t Fly If You’re Gay

An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began … Continue reading

things that you don’t want to here on an airlpane

THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO OVERHEAR OVER AN AIRLINE P.A. SYSTEM 1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices… 2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading