Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear Your System Administrator Say

Yes, I chowned all files belonging to [lusername] to bin.bin. Is this a problem? Nobody was using that file /vmunix, right? What’s this pound sign on my terminal mean? Is there a version of VMS for Sparc? Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory off of … Continue reading

this is kind of amusing

A woman approached the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter asked for her social security number. The woman told him, and Saint Peter typed on his workstation: pearly-gates:~/peter> grep 212-53-6432 /earth/human/status The computer responded: 212-53-6432 Cindy Smith cms@dragon.com!earth naughty pearly-gates:~/peter> Saint Peter then told her she was eternally damned, and that … Continue reading

File restoration application…

APPLICATION TO HAVE A FILE RESTORED ———————————– Your name ? ________________ Your login name ? ________________ Which project ? ________________ 1. Urgency <1 hour __ 1-2 hours __ 2-4 hours __ next day __ next week __ never __ 2. Reason for needing restore ? Accidental deletion __ Accidental corruption … Continue reading

Hacking the Jargon Jungle

Hacking Through the Jargon Jungle When I went to college in the 1980’s, I heard a lot of words like “data input” and “beta version.” They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry. Now that I’ve worked … Continue reading

Virus Alert

There is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propagated through email system. If you get an email message with the subject: “VIRUS ALERT!”, do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Glossary of Computer Terms

*File Description: Glossary of Computer Terms* 640K barrier: the finish line in a mega-marathon access time: foreplay analog: what Ana tosses into the fire assembly language: put tab A into slot B, then put tab C… audit trail: what the IRS does Bandwidth: limited by the size of the stage … Continue reading

84 Things You Don’t Want Your System Administrator to Say

Uh-oh… Oh S***! What the heck?!? Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this… Hey!! The Suns don’t do this. Terminated?!? What software license? Well, it’s doing SOMETHING… Wow…that seemed fast… I got a better job at Lockheed… Management says… … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

Beware Of The Latest Computer Viruses

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS – You E-mail L.A., but your attachment winds up in Dallas. HEALTH CARE VIRUS – Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. PAUL REVERE VIRUS – This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending … Continue reading

CPU Message Translation

Here is a “quick guide” to what your PC means when it gives you on-screen messages: Message: Bad command or file name Meaning: You idiot, you can’t even get the file name right. Or else the file doesn’t even exist, in which case you are stupid beyond mortal comprehension. Message: … Continue reading

Star Trek Top Ten April Fool’s Jokes on the Enterprise

Everybody act like Riker is the captain Pretend you’ve been taken over by an alien being Program the replicator in Troi’s room so that it won’t make chocolate Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him Put a small speaker … Continue reading