600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 4 of 6)

Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her “do you want a fuck (wait for a second gauging her reaction) …ing drink. Go up to a girl, ask her: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” She says no. Then wink. … Continue reading

600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 3 of 6)

Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to? If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me? If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut … Continue reading

600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 2 of 6)

Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in? Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud’ and say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize? I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting.. Let’s … Continue reading

Honeymooners

A young couple arrives at a hotel and the desk clerk signs them into the honeymoon suite. 30 minutes later, the groom comes back down stairs and asks the desk clerk, “Is there anything to do around here?” Desk Clerk, “Excuse me, but aren’t you on your honeymoon?” Groom, “Yes?” … Continue reading

Carter beter than Clinton-part 1 of 2

100 Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Was a Better President Than Bill Clinton by P.J. O’Rourke The American Spectator September 1993 *Jimmy Carter had a nicer wife, *A smarter baby brother, *A less frightening mom, *And a…No, we can’t bring ourselves to make fun of the first daughter, especially since some … Continue reading

Excuses, excuses…

The Five Maxims of Making Excuses 1) The feebleness or banality of an excuse should never be a deterrent to its use. 2) Always put the blame on something that can’t defend itself. Children, pets, inanimate objects, and relatives living in foreign countries make perfect scapegoats. 3) Whine convincingly. 4) … Continue reading

excuses

EXCUSES The following is a collection of “actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling)” from the Office of Educational Assessment at the University of Washington. * My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. * Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She … Continue reading

Santa’s Elf Pick-up Lines

“I’m down here!” “Just because I’ve got bells on my feet doesn’t mean I’m a sissy!” I was a lawn ornament for Gary Sweet.” “I can get you off the naughty list!” “I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys.” “I’m a magical being! Take off … Continue reading

Ladies Changing room

18 STUPID AND HEARTLESS THINGS TO SAY IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOM # That’s a bit expensive just for a dare isn’t it? # I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday. # Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

Dating “Don’ts” For Guys

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date… “Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?” “I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.” “No wine for me tonight. … Continue reading

32 Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than Men

It’s enjoyable hard or soft. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it. You always want to swallow. It won’t complain if you share it with friends. It’s “quick and convenient”. You can enjoy it more than once. … Continue reading

Can’t Fly If You’re Gay

An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began … Continue reading