Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

Top 10 Ways To Kill Kenny McCormick

Ends up in the business end of a snowblower He gets kicked in the nuts by a velociraptor Cartman sits on him Three words: Spontaneous human combustion Chef mistakes his head for a tangerine Gets caught in the middle of an English soccer brawl Weird Genetic Engineer gives Kenny four … Continue reading

The Top 10 Ways You Can Tell If You’re An Engineering Student

Your standard pick-up line is, “Hey, baby, what’s your URL?” Your car’s oil filter is made out of toilet paper Your graphing calculator has more computing power than a Pentium 200 You window-shop at Radio Shack You’ve ever debated who was a better captain… Kirk or Picard You own more … Continue reading

The Software Engineering Approach

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, … Continue reading

An Engineer, A Physicist and A Business Major; Job Interview

Once, an engineer, a physicist and a business major all applied for the same job. The person interviewed all three, and thought all were excellent. He had to think of some way to find the best person. So he told them all to come back the next day and tell … Continue reading

Engineer Identification Test

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word “engineer” is greatly overused. If there’s somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him/her this test to discern the truth.   ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST You walk into a … Continue reading

engineers and mathematicians

A mathematics/engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were a bunch of math majors and a bunch of engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The math majors started … Continue reading

A Physicist, An Engineer And A Mathematician Measure A Flagpole

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are all standing around the university flagpole when an English professor stops and asks what they’re doing. “Well,” says the physicist, “we want to know the height of the flagpole and are discussing formulas we might use to calculate it.” “Watch,” says the … Continue reading

An Engineer, a Physicist, and a Mathematician Solve a Problem

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician are all challenged with a problem: to fry an egg when there is a fire in the house. The engineer just grabs a huge bucket of water, runs over to the fire, and puts it out. The physicist thinks for a long while, and then … Continue reading

Government Contracting Definitions

CONTRACTOR — A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING — A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID — A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER — A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Four Engineers Travelling In A Car

There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says … Continue reading