Shit Stuff

subjective i feel for your shit happening objective it is logical that shit happens pharisee shit only happens to bad people physicist calculates the velocity of shit happening news reporter wants a scoop on the shit happening fundamentalist you deserve the shit that happens to you the i.r.s. “are you … Continue reading

You Might Be A Grad Student If…

You just might be a graduate student if… …you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. …your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. …you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. …you are startled to meet … Continue reading

T’was the Night Before Finals

And it came to pass. Early in the morning, toward the last day of the semester. There arose a great multitude, smiting the books and wailing, And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, For the day of judgement was at hand. And they were afraid, for they had … Continue reading

The Complete List of Sorority Jokes

What’s a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles. What is the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball? 1>You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball. 2>You could eat a bowling ball if you had to. 3>You can’t fit … Continue reading

Heavy Boots

About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the University of Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering school) and the teaching assistant was explaining Descartes. He was trying to show how things don’t always happen the way we think they will and explained that, while a pen always falls … Continue reading

FIfty More Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Invite your invisible friends over for a few weeks. Blame them when all his beer is gone. Be convincing. Get a Brother P-Touch labeler. Label EVERYTHING!!! When ever your girlfriend sleeps over, leave wearing her clothes. Hide all your roomate’s stuff and tell him that he never lived with you. … Continue reading

Running Away

A father scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebeled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, “I’m running away from home!” The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. “What if you … Continue reading

Light Bulbs and College Students

How many George Washington students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five–one to change the lightbulb, and four to complain that, for the money they’re paying, someone damn well ought to change the lightbulb for them. How many Carnegie Mellon students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four … Continue reading

Double Affirmative

PROFESSOR: Although in modern English the double negative is usually taken to mean an affirmative, in many linguistic contexts the double negative is an intensified negative, as the double affirmative is _always_ an intensified affirmative. There is no known case of a double affirmative being used as a negative. STUDENT: … Continue reading