Drugs Education

Two cops were assigned to the local schools. Their job was to get the students to sign a pledge not to do drugs. After about two weeks their supervisor called them into his office. Why? he asked Do you have such a difference in success? Cop 1 is only signing … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo In A Final Exam (That Does Not Matter)

(i.e. you are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam) Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

In-class Assignment: Tandem Writting

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first … Continue reading

University Entrance Exam: Football Player Version

What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a bridge sail the ocean lead an army or WRITE A … Continue reading

What Professors Really Mean

If you get the feeling that professors live in a world of their own, you’re right. They even have a language all their own When professors say this They really mean this This needs some minor revision. I never actually got around to reading this. My office hours are by … Continue reading

Guide to Lecturer-Spotting

It is only now that the alert first year will begin to notice that the majority of his lecturers are actually stranger than the students surrounding him. However it may not yet be entirely clear how varied these examples of mental deformity can be. Here we will go through a … Continue reading

50 Fun Things for Professors ToDo on the First Day of Class

===================================================== 50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. 2. After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last … Continue reading

An Engineer, A Physicist and A Business Major; Job Interview

Once, an engineer, a physicist and a business major all applied for the same job. The person interviewed all three, and thought all were excellent. He had to think of some way to find the best person. So he told them all to come back the next day and tell … Continue reading

The Student Mind During A Final Exam

As finals week draws near, I thought “us” college students could use a little refresher on how to take a test……enjoy The last thoughts, and percentages of brain capacity 10% The prof. never covered this section! 10% Actual knowledge on the subject. 10% The T.A.’s kinda cute! 10% I knew … Continue reading

The Wayside Chapel

An English schoolteacher, was in Switzerland and looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following fall. She asked the schoolmaster if he would recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make … Continue reading

Nickel or a Dime

There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Alley’s Grocery Store. I don’t know what Junior’s problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer … Continue reading

Surprise Graduation

Dear Dad, Thanks for the money to begin the second semester with. The only trouble is, I graduated yesterday. I know it’s sort of a surprise, with me being an entering freshman only several months ago. It was sort of a surprise to me too. I went to register yesterday … Continue reading

University Course Evaluation Comments

A friend of mine goes to Brown University. They have a publication there called “The Critical Review.” A section has student comments on a class. Here are some of the more humorous:   Insights from Student Surveys: “He spoke, I had no clue, it was as mutal relationship.” “The book was written … Continue reading

New Teacher Regulations

TO: ALL STAFF FROM: OFFICE OF SUPERINTENDANT RE: TEACHER IN SERVICE TRAINING SCHEDULE (T.I.T.S) In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better T.I.T.S for each employee. We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High … Continue reading

Cool Things Todo In A College Dorm Shower Stall

Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, “I didn’t know I had one of THOSE!” Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed … Continue reading

What I Learned in College

ON METAPHYSICS Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you’ve been kicked in the head like this before. ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES There is a CD out entitled “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane“. If you buy this, take it … Continue reading

Psych Experiment

The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me!” The man snapped to attention … Continue reading

College Vocabulary

Word Descrption ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record. ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during “new student weekend.” ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what … Continue reading

Bible Stories Retold by Youngsters

It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world: In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s … Continue reading

Medical School Quotes

These are actual quotes that I heard first-hand last semester. I thought it might be humorous for you to hear a glimpse of the future (and teachers) of medicine. “The way I see it, I don’t know anything.” –med. student “It’s a powerful thing, vomiting.” –med. student “I sound like … Continue reading

More Things Todo To Your Roomate

Ever time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, “It’s not funny anymore“. Every … Continue reading

Catholic School Maths

A young boy was in grade four and was having a terrible time with his mathematics. His parents worked with him night after night but there was no improvement. His math marks were dismal. His parents in desperation decided to transfer their son to a new school. They decided to … Continue reading

The evolution of math education

HOW TO SPOT OUTCOME-BASED EDUCATION Math Quiz: In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four fifths the price. What is his profit? In 1970 (traditional math): A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 … Continue reading