Dictonary of Dating

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals … Continue reading

Grammer Made Easy in 23 Steps

Don’t abbrev. Check to see if you any words out. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct. About sentence fragments. When dangling, don’t use participles. Don’t use no double negatives. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent. Just between you and I, case is important. Join clauses good, like a … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons OJ is Such An Avid Golfer

Get to wear nicely tight-fitting gloves. An easy drive down the fairway doesn’t attract as much attention as an easy drive down the freeway. You don’t have to race home when you’re finished. If you say you were practising your golf swing, people believe you immediately. Slice all you want … Continue reading

32 Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than Men

It’s enjoyable hard or soft. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it. You always want to swallow. It won’t complain if you share it with friends. It’s “quick and convenient”. You can enjoy it more than once. … Continue reading

travel

Notes from a “road warrior” comedian: I say thank God for all the muggers in New York City. Without them, there would be no human contact at all. I stood on the shore of the Great Salt Lake, dipped my finger in it, tasted it and said “It needs water.” … Continue reading

Johnson

Johnson Weedwackers: Its easy to trim a little bush-when you gotta big Johnson. Johnson Volleyballs: The world’s largest It’s not how hard you spike your balls, but its the size of your Johnson that counts. Johnson’s Gym: Hang with the Huge! Johnson Mountain Biking: No Hill’s too Big, No Valley’s … Continue reading

murphy & the army

Murphys Laws of Army Operations: 1. KISS – (Keep it Simple Stupid) 2. Suppressive fire – won’t 3. Incoming fire has right of way 4. If the enemy is in range, so are YOU! 5. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire 6. If it’s stupid, but it works – IT … Continue reading

YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR…

if you have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically. if you enjoy pain. if you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division. if you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.” if you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator. if … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading