In-class Assignment: Tandem Writting

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first … Continue reading

Shit Happens According To The Philospohers

Philosopher Shit Happens Thales Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit Epicurus If shit happens, enjoy it. Socrates What is shit? Why is shit? Aristotle The essence of shittyness… Archimedes Hmmm… why doesn’t this shit float? Give me a place to stand and I’ll move any piece of shit. Descartes I think, … Continue reading

Rabbi Playing Golf

The great Rabbi of a big city is a golf addict. He likes nothing like playing golf on a warm sunny afternoon. Unfortunately, on shabbat, he has to refrain himself. This is a big dilemma for his soul; the temptation to play golf, and the consciousness of doing wrong if … Continue reading

2000.9999 a Pentium Odd-Essay

Open the pod bay doors, please, HAL… Open the pod bay door, please, Hal… Hal, do you read me? Affirmative, Dave. I read you. Then open the pod bay doors, HAL. I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that. I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Is There A Santa Claus?

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) – I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

Kids Ideas About Science

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’ Question: What is one horsepower? … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Things That Piss Me Off

“Put stamp here” instructions on envelopes When you can see a ventriloquist’s lips moving Co-workers who jam the copier. then flee the scene of the crime Fans who do “the wave” too many times Running to answer a phone that’s ringing on TV Having to make idle conversation with your … Continue reading

student test answers

These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world. “When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.” “H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water” “To collect fumes of sulphur, … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

The Scientist and the Poet on a Train

There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn’t much conversation between the two. The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of … Continue reading

Genesis II

============================================================================== Genesis II (Author Unknown) What would happen if God had to do it all over again? AND GOD SAID: “IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH.” He was then faced with a Notice of Violation and a class action lawsuit for failing to file a Part A notification … Continue reading

Heavy Boots

About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the University of Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering school) and the teaching assistant was explaining Descartes. He was trying to show how things don’t always happen the way we think they will and explained that, while a pen always falls … Continue reading