A couple of drunks are sitting at a bar on the 10th story of a building. One says, “See that window over there? Well, if you were to jump out that window, the air pressure rising from the city’s activity would keep you from hitting the ground. If there’s enough … Continue reading
SYMPTOMS OF SEMESTER BURNOUT! 1. When your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the cookie monster song (C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me…) 2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% on the final to pass than you have … Continue reading
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading
Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less ================================================= Number 10. Be a frosh (freshman). It’s not true that every frosh can be knocked into unconsciousness by waving a tom collins under their nose, but as those of us who go hunting for frosh on “New Kids … Continue reading
Dating Rules For College 1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody’s horny. 2. In an imaginary world, “I really like spending time with you” and “you’re cool” mean I REALLY like spending … Continue reading
If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk.
You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading