Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Top Condom Slogans (2 of 3)

Glove your pecker before you check her Coat that slimmer before you prime her Condomize then womanize Cover old pete then grind her meat Guard your peter before you meet her Check your list before you tryst Wrap your bate before you mate Can your worm before you squirm Cover … Continue reading

Proper Floppy (Diskettes) Care

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving … Continue reading

Famous Quotes Using “Fuck”

“What the fuck was that?” Mayor of Hiroshima “Thats not a real fucking gun.” John Lennon “Who’s gonna fucking find out?” Richard Nixon “Heads are going to fucking roll.” Anne Boleyn “What fucking map?” Mark Thatcher “Any fucking idiot could understand that.”Albert Einstein “It does so fucking look like her!” … Continue reading

50 Ways to Drive Men Crazy

Do not say what you mean. Ever. Be ambiguous. Always. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it’s their fault. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or ago. Make them apologize for everything. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that … Continue reading

Why a Pentium is like a Penis

When a guy first realizes he has one, he plays with it for 2 weeks straight. The more money you spend, the more hard drive you get. Guys are always comparing the size of them. For enough money, ANYONE can own one. Floppy drive? Once you are on a pentium, … Continue reading

The Night of Tax Day

THE NIGHT OF TAX DAY ‘Twas the night of Tax Day… And all thru the house, Every creature was whirring, Even the mouse. The floppy was placed in the disk drive with care, In certainty Saint Silicon soon would be there. The chips were nestled All snug in their sockets, … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

Are You: Pre-Boomer, Baby-Boomer, Generation X, or Generation Y?

Music should be… Melodic and romantic. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Sex is for… Married couples who want to start families. Anybody who wants to start a party. Latex-clad partners in a laboratory setting. Watching on TV. The American Dream is… A house … Continue reading

more better tech support

7. “What kind of hard disk do you have?” Well… It’s black with a little red light … (groan). 8. Most common support call. “I lost my CMOS setup. How many heads, cylinders, and sectors does a _______ drive have?”. 9. “I move the mouse in any direction and the … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

computers & cars

WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS? General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…. – – ————————————————————— HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?” … Continue reading

Proper Care Of Floppies

Please circulate this as broadly as possible to the user community. This is important information that everybody can use. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons OJ is Such An Avid Golfer

Get to wear nicely tight-fitting gloves. An easy drive down the fairway doesn’t attract as much attention as an easy drive down the freeway. You don’t have to race home when you’re finished. If you say you were practising your golf swing, people believe you immediately. Slice all you want … Continue reading

Tech Support Joke…

Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?” Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?” Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?” Tech Rep: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You’re Spending Too Much Time Surfing Web Sites

Your opening line is: “So what’s your home page address?” Your best friend is someone you’ve never met. You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see “Enhanced for Netscape 1.1” on one of the clouds. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Web … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

Irish Definitions

HAPPILY MARRIED IRISH COUPLE: A husband with another man’s wife. IRISH ALCOHOLIC: Anybody who will drink with anybody to anybody. IRISH ATHEIST: A man who goes about wishing to God he could believe in God. IRISH BANQUET: A potato and a six pack. IRISH BEAUTY: A colleen with two black … Continue reading

Points to ponder.

Things that make you go hmmm… 1. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 2. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? 3. Is there another word for … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Driving Tips for Maine

Living smack in the middle of a place like Maine means that you have to drive a fairly good distance to get anywhere that doesn’t look like a Jack Daniel’s ad. You know the ones where there’s a black and white picture of some old redneck with no teeth to … Continue reading

Just something to think about …

Death of an innocent child ************************** I went to a party mom, I remembered what you said. you told me not to drink, mom, So I drank soda instead. I felt really proud inside,mom, The way you said I would. I didn’t drink and drive mom Even though the others … Continue reading

Top Ten Amish Spring Break Activities

Drink molasses ’til you heave Wet bonnet contest Stuff as many guys as you can into a buggy Buttermilk keggar Blow past the Dairy Queen on a really bitchin’ Clydesdale Get a tattoo: “Born to raise barns” Cruise streets of Belleville shouting insults at people with zippers Sleep ’til 6 … Continue reading