Things Todo at Work to Lessen Your Stress

Write hate mail (for those who are *really* stressed: Fax/email hate mail around the world) Tacks & rubber bands= bulletin board art (bonus: earn respect from co-workers who didn’t realize you had taste) Tap dance naked on the conference room table See if you can get everyone in your office … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Friends Game (not offensive)

The “Friends” Drinking Game This is a game. This is only a game. If using alcoholic beverages, do not drive. Do not operate heavy machinery. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Instructions: Gather friends (if applicable) around TV set. Place drinks, alcoholic or not, within easy reach. Watch … Continue reading

Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Cucumbers

Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers —————————————– You can’t get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat. Beer bottles don’t get sprayed with pesticides Beer bottles don’t shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month. Beer is always in season. Beer … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

The Glass of Milk

Somebody left a glass of milk next to the keyboard. Reaction? Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Futurist: The milk’s in the wrong half of the glass. Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it? C Programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from … Continue reading

Irish Definitions

HAPPILY MARRIED IRISH COUPLE: A husband with another man’s wife. IRISH ALCOHOLIC: Anybody who will drink with anybody to anybody. IRISH ATHEIST: A man who goes about wishing to God he could believe in God. IRISH BANQUET: A potato and a six pack. IRISH BEAUTY: A colleen with two black … Continue reading

Homer’s Beer Song

DO RE MI DRINK DOUGH… the stuff that buys me beer RAY….. the guy that sells me beer ME…… the one who drinks the beer FAR….. a long run to get beer SO…… I’ll have another beer LA…… I’ll have another beer TEA….. no thanks, I’m drinking beer And that … Continue reading

Just something to think about …

Death of an innocent child ************************** I went to a party mom, I remembered what you said. you told me not to drink, mom, So I drank soda instead. I felt really proud inside,mom, The way you said I would. I didn’t drink and drive mom Even though the others … Continue reading

Rules to be a Man (more)

RULES TO BE A MAN (2) 50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you. 51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. 52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc. 53. Complain about not getting any mail. … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

The Top 17 Signs You’ve Had Too Much To Drink at Your Company Picnic

The Top 17 Signs You’ve Had Too Much To Drink at Your Company Picnic 17> You loosen your tie, despite the dirty looks from the other accountants. 16> You brazenly blurt out the percentage of mouse feces and rat hair that the FDA allows in hotdogs. 15> Your perfect Elvis … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Win Any Argument

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply … Continue reading