Buying Cars

Luckily, we live in a country where cars are fairly inexpensive; where your average Joe Bloggs can, for just a few dollars, look at a car way out of his price bracket and pretend that he’s a genuine customer. There are three generally accepted practices for purchasing a car; the … Continue reading

Humour in Court

Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in London? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Leeds? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Liverpool? A..No. Prosecutor:- Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead … Continue reading

Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

Orange Penis

A man goes to the doctor’s office because his penis is orange. The doctor runs a battery of tests on the patient to determine the cause of his miss-coloured member. After all these tests, no medical reason for the discolouration can be found. The doctor explains this to the patient. … Continue reading

If the Truth be known

If the truth be known At a doctor’s convention in Switzerland, a conversation was taking place in a tavern after an enthusiastic mid-day lecture. A Jewish doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have … Continue reading

Star Trek Voyager the Drinking Game

HERE IT IS AFTER ONLY 2 EPISODES— ITS ITS ITS STAR TREK: VOYAGER: The DRINKING Game (23 Jan 1995) by: Melanie Adams melanie@strauss.udel.edu Joan Bremer psycho@strauss.udel.edu Tom Schwerdt pyro@strauss.udel.edu (p.s. all that legal mumbo jumbo about copyrights and such) ========================================================================= 3: Plot suspiciously reminds us of an older plot of … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

spring break from hell

Spring Break in Hell A lot of college kids go to Florida for spring break. Some take a long plane flight to Hawaii or Guam or possibly Andorra. I’ve had my fun, been on breaks where partying is the only order of business, and to tell you the truth, I … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

bad

What do you get when you play a country & western song backwards? You get your job back, your wife back, etc….. A man goes to the doctor because he’s not feeling very good. The doc takes a bunch of tests and sends him home. A couple of days later … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Koala Hair Tea

A man with a fatal disease was told by his doctor that there was one cure: the sick man needed to go to an Austrailian hospital, named the Mercy Hospital to be cured. There, the doctor said, the man would receive a tea made from koala bear hairs that would … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading