Buying Cars

Luckily, we live in a country where cars are fairly inexpensive; where your average Joe Bloggs can, for just a few dollars, look at a car way out of his price bracket and pretend that he’s a genuine customer. There are three generally accepted practices for purchasing a car; the … Continue reading

Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

Orange Penis

A man goes to the doctor’s office because his penis is orange. The doctor runs a battery of tests on the patient to determine the cause of his miss-coloured member. After all these tests, no medical reason for the discolouration can be found. The doctor explains this to the patient. … Continue reading

Star Trek Voyager the Drinking Game

HERE IT IS AFTER ONLY 2 EPISODES— ITS ITS ITS STAR TREK: VOYAGER: The DRINKING Game (23 Jan 1995) by: Melanie Adams melanie@strauss.udel.edu Joan Bremer psycho@strauss.udel.edu Tom Schwerdt pyro@strauss.udel.edu (p.s. all that legal mumbo jumbo about copyrights and such) ========================================================================= 3: Plot suspiciously reminds us of an older plot of … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

bad

What do you get when you play a country & western song backwards? You get your job back, your wife back, etc….. A man goes to the doctor because he’s not feeling very good. The doc takes a bunch of tests and sends him home. A couple of days later … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading