Proper Floppy (Diskettes) Care

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving … Continue reading

A guide to Man-Machine Interface Terminology

USER-FRIENDLY C>DUR Command not found. Try retyping. USER-HELPFUL C>DUR I don’t understand DUR. Do you mean DIR? USER-UNFRIENDLY C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR (Eventually you realise nothing is actually happening, or not as the case may be..) USER-HOSTILE C>DUR Ha! A mistake! I’m sure you meant to say FORMAT so … Continue reading

Top 10 “Features” of Windows 98

Each new copy comes with heavy-duty shrinkwrap Disk protection unit keeps other operating systems from invading your disk (like them systems by them long-haired freaks 🙂 Default background is Bill Gates’ face Free 10 minutes of Internet connection Prevents users of non-Intel products from doing anything Support for every device … Continue reading

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Manual Writing?

Here’s an easy game to play. Here’s an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket … Continue reading

Happy New Year

READY-MADE RESOLUTIONS FOR INTERNETers – 1997 * Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays * Read all of the mail from all of the groups I have subscribed to * Limit my subscriptions of groups to a maximum of fifty * Back-up 2 gig hard drive weekly; … Continue reading

more better tech support

7. “What kind of hard disk do you have?” Well… It’s black with a little red light … (groan). 8. Most common support call. “I lost my CMOS setup. How many heads, cylinders, and sectors does a _______ drive have?”. 9. “I move the mouse in any direction and the … Continue reading

Virus Warning Signs

Some individuals wanted to know what the warning signs were of a virus. I talked to one of the presentors in my class and he gave me the following list: -Operations seem sluggish -Programs take longer to load -Programs access multiple disk drive where they didn’t before -Programs conduct disk … Continue reading

Proper Care Of Floppies

Please circulate this as broadly as possible to the user community. This is important information that everybody can use. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in … Continue reading

Tech Support Gems

Support, Santa Cruz Style or Where Do These People Come From? by Jeff Liebermann (jeffl@comix.santa-cruz.ca.us) 07/09/94 (All these really happened to me since 1983.) 1. “My hard disk won’t boot”. I suggest they take the floppy out of drive A:. Later when I arrive, they have successfully removed the floppy … Continue reading

Top Ten 1996 Resolutions

TOP TEN RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’T KEEP IN 1996 10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk. 9. I will stop sending email to my roommate. 8. I resolve to work with neglected children…my own. 7. I will answer my snail mail … Continue reading

50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Just Scare the Bejeezus Out of People in the Computer Lab

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. When your computer is turned off, complain to … Continue reading

Glossary of Computer Terms

*File Description: Glossary of Computer Terms* 640K barrier: the finish line in a mega-marathon access time: foreplay analog: what Ana tosses into the fire assembly language: put tab A into slot B, then put tab C… audit trail: what the IRS does Bandwidth: limited by the size of the stage … Continue reading

Geek Speak!

The following is a vocabulary list of common words…which are you? Word Geek Normal Code software instruction cryptic message Boot load operating sys. footwear Virus makes computer sick makes you sick Memory data storage retained ideas News Usenet NBC/CNN/C-Span Mail electronic letters bills/junk mail FIDO subnet dog Pen pointing device … Continue reading

84 Things You Don’t Want Your System Administrator to Say

Uh-oh… Oh S***! What the heck?!? Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this… Hey!! The Suns don’t do this. Terminated?!? What software license? Well, it’s doing SOMETHING… Wow…that seemed fast… I got a better job at Lockheed… Management says… … Continue reading

Beware Of The Latest Computer Viruses

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS – You E-mail L.A., but your attachment winds up in Dallas. HEALTH CARE VIRUS – Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. PAUL REVERE VIRUS – This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending … Continue reading