Top 10 Uses For An America Online CD-ROM

Gifts for stupid users Extra-large washer (for bolts’n’nat) Emory wheel Toilet paper substitute Stress relief device Soft drink coaster Rear view mirror Unix Lab frisbee Public service poster: “Friends don’t let friends use AOL” Real ISP torture device

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

Radically New Learning Tool

A new aid to rapid–almost magical–learning has made its appearance. Indications are that if it catches on all the electronic gadgets will be so much junk. The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The makers generally call it by its initials, BOOK. Many advantages are claimed over … Continue reading

Health Insurance Claim

S.C. Anderson PO Box 1302 Minnetonka, MN 55345 Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016 Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an … Continue reading

Computer Acronyms

Useful Acronyms PCMCIA People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms ISDN It Still Does Nothing APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity SCSI System Can’t See It DOS Defunct Operating System BASIC Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control IBM I Blame Microsoft DEC Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

Geek Speak!

The following is a vocabulary list of common words…which are you? Word Geek Normal Code software instruction cryptic message Boot load operating sys. footwear Virus makes computer sick makes you sick Memory data storage retained ideas News Usenet NBC/CNN/C-Span Mail electronic letters bills/junk mail FIDO subnet dog Pen pointing device … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading