Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Betther Than Jesus

No one will kill you for not drinking beer. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex. Beer has never caused a major war. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves. When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away. … Continue reading

Energizer Bunny Obituary

It is with great remorse that I inform you all of the sad news of something that happened to someone very dear to us all. Last night, at approximately 8:42 pm, the Energizer Bunny, after going, and going, and going for so long, unfortunately passed away. Upon completion of the … Continue reading

2 Top Tens

——————————————— TOP TEN REASONS THE BRITISH LOST THE COLONIES ——————————————— 10. Hard to shoot straight with sissified powdered wig falling in your eyes 9. Wanted to just lose New Jersey but got carried away 8. Colonists on steroids 7. Spent too much time guessing who’s gay in the royal family … Continue reading

The Chain Letter Of St. Paul The Apostle To The Corinthians

The Chain Letter of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians WITH CHARITY ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE This epistle comes to you from Philippi. Grace be to you and peace. Spiritual gifts will be delivered unto you within four days of receiving this letter–providing you in turn send it on. This … Continue reading

Life Got You Down?

If you’ve been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are a couple of cool ways to kill yourself. Even if you don’t use these exclusive royalty-free methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible. Don’t be boring and just take sleeping … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

Armed Forces Joke

One day, a general of the army, an admiral, and an air force general are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver. So the admiral yells to a passing sailor, “Sailor, catch that falling anchor!” The sailor snaps to attention, shouts, “Yes, sir!”, runs under the … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Rant

ON CLOTHES I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to … Continue reading

Laws Of The Internet

First Law: Netlag is the Lowest Common Denominator. Second Law: When you need to be Somewhere, You Can’t Get There. Third Law: The Sysop is Actually a Minion of Evil. Fourth Law: When Sysop is Unavailable, all usually goes Well. Fifth Law: You Will Never Have Enough Quota. Sixth Law: … Continue reading

If I Ever Become An Evil Overlord

My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. Shooting is not too good for … Continue reading

Above the Law?

I just came across this excerpt from a book called “The Hazards of Life and all That,” by J. Bond. It’s a summary of a rather odd legal case, that I thought you’d get a kick out of: “10th century Cheshire. Severe drought in the area inspires Lady Trawst to … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You’re Spending Too Much Time Surfing Web Sites

Your opening line is: “So what’s your home page address?” Your best friend is someone you’ve never met. You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see “Enhanced for Netscape 1.1” on one of the clouds. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Web … Continue reading

court humor ( clean

Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made during … Continue reading

Suicide?

On March 23, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound to the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the deceased had jumped from the top of a ten story building with the intent … Continue reading

Lawyer: Too Young To Die

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. “I’m … Continue reading

The latest Darwin Awards

Darwin Awards These are nearly always granted posthumously. This citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. —————————————————————- [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs Your Shoe Salesman Is Actually The Devil

He helps customers sitting in front of him and in back of him by spinning his head around His store has big Hitler’s Birthday sale Offers you 15% off if you sell him your soul Name of store: “Thom McAngel of Death” When you tell him you don’t like a … Continue reading

plane crash

A Texan, a Mexican, a Frenchman and a Brit are on a plane that is going to crash. To make matters worse, there is only one parachute between them. The valient Brit flings open the door, hollars, “Long live the Queen!” and jumps to his death. Next follows the Frenchman, … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines 2

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers House passes gas tax onto senate Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan Two convicts evade noose, jury hung William Kelly was fed secretary Milk drinkers are turning to … Continue reading