All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 4 of 4)

Invite your roommate to sleep over. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate comments, pretend not to hear anything. Walk into walls. Leave little notes in the shower for him/her. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, “I’m melting, I’m melting!” … Continue reading

Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

Things Never To Say During Sex

is it in? that’s it? you’ve got to be kidding me. (phone rings) hello? oh nothing and you? do i have to pay for this? do i have to call you tomorrow? oh momma, momma! oh dadda, dadda! you look better in the dark. this is much better than my … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

French Lessons

Remember taking required foreign language classes in High School and how boring they were? Fear not. Here from the book “Merde! et Merde, Encore!” are some of the French words and phrases you always wanted to learn. Phrase Translation Expletive Rating damn! zut! * godammit! putain! *** you bastard/bitch espece … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs That It Is Too Damn Cold

People buying hot roasted chestnuts to put in their pants Dan and Connie doing the news huddled together in a sleeping bag Mob corpses seen skidding across the East River Times Square strip clubs advertising “Live Heavily-Dressed Girls!” Mario Cuomo making a fortune shovelling walks Vendors selling down-filled hot dogs … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs Your New Governor is Nuts

Changes name of capital to “Funkytown.” To prove he’s tough on crime he has himself executed. Calls an emergency staff meeting and declares war on Nebraska. If left alone, will eat every document on his desk. Won’t return phone call of the best damn mayor of the best damn city … Continue reading