Cow – ASCII Art

/; ; __ \____// /{__/ `’____ ___ (o) (o } _____________________________/ :–‘ ,-,’`@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@ _ `__ ;:( @@@@@@@@@ @@@ ___(o’o) :: ) @@@@ @@@@@@ ,’@@( `====’ :: : @@@@@: @@@@ `@@@: :: @@@@@: @@@@@@@) ( ‘@@@’ ;; / /`, @@@@@@@@@ :@@@@@) ::/ ) {_—————-: :~`,~~; ;;’`; : ) : / … Continue reading

Cow Jokes

Q: What do cows do for entertainment? A: Go to moo-vies. Q: What band is a cow favorite? A: Moody Blues Q: If a cow could be a musician, what would it play? A: Moog synth Q: Which job is a cow most suited for? A: Baker. Because they’re making … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

Non-Religious-isms

Here are a few interesting views on politics: Communisim: If you have two cows you give both cows to the government, and then the government sells you some of the milk. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government and then the government gives you … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

City Folk

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month’s outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the ladies filed into … Continue reading

Offensive to lawyers

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer? A. In the cemetary Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)? A: When a busload of lawyers goes … Continue reading

The Glass of Milk

Somebody left a glass of milk next to the keyboard. Reaction? Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Futurist: The milk’s in the wrong half of the glass. Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it? C Programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

modern little red hen

– – —————————————————- THE MODERN LITTLE RED HEN Once upon a time, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors and said, “If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help … Continue reading

Travelling Salesmen

A Jew, a Hindu and a lawyer were all travelling together (who knows why, maybe they were going to a rock concert) anyway it was getting dark and they needed to find a place to stay. Fortunately, they came across a farm house. The farmer, being the friendly country type, … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Tickling Trivia

1. What’s in front of a woman and back of a cow? The letter W 2. What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A coconut 3. What’s about 6 inches long, has a vein running down it and … Continue reading