How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians?

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday: Q. What does that red dot on women’s forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practising by aiming at their wife’s … Continue reading

If the Truth be known

If the truth be known At a doctor’s convention in Switzerland, a conversation was taking place in a tavern after an enthusiastic mid-day lecture. A Jewish doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have … Continue reading

Snow Skiing

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European. . Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. . … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Lincoln’s advice

One night, Bill Clinton is so worried about the Federal budget crisis that he can’t get to sleep. So he gets up and goes for a jog in the moonlight. As he passes the Lincoln Memorial, he wonders, “What would Honest Abe have done in this situation?” So he kneels … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You’ve Lost Control Of Your Country

At big public ceremonies, secret service guys play keep-away with your hat People see you at the self-service pump filling up your pacer Sharp drop in sales of “Yeltsersizer” workout machine Stolichnaya withdraws its corporate sponsorship of your presidency You misspell “potato” and no one cares Your mother asks if … Continue reading

Famous Words

Who said: “It’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” – Armstrong, Neil Armstrong.   Who said: “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” – Kennedy, John F. Kennedy.   Who said: “Don’t push me, don’t you … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs Your New Governor is Nuts

Changes name of capital to “Funkytown.” To prove he’s tough on crime he has himself executed. Calls an emergency staff meeting and declares war on Nebraska. If left alone, will eat every document on his desk. Won’t return phone call of the best damn mayor of the best damn city … Continue reading