Geek Speak!

The following is a vocabulary list of common words…which are you? Word Geek Normal Code software instruction cryptic message Boot load operating sys. footwear Virus makes computer sick makes you sick Memory data storage retained ideas News Usenet NBC/CNN/C-Span Mail electronic letters bills/junk mail FIDO subnet dog Pen pointing device … Continue reading

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot

Unix: You shoot yourself in the foot. DOS: You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier. MS-Windows: The gun blows up in your hand. Windows NT: The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other. OS/2: The gun and … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You Bought The Wrong Computer

The monitor is certified for low emissions by JiffyLube. The logo on your receipt: International House of Lame Computers. The infra-red cordless keyboard has only 15 keys, and one of them is marked Fast Forward. You see the salesman you bought it from hawking genuine Rolexes on street corners. The … Continue reading

Press Any Key to Continue

Rule for software developers. Never stand over the shoulder of a beta tester. Once, I was watching Jane test the latest version of our software. When a message appeared on the screen; Press any key to continue Jane pressed the letter ‘j‘. I thought I was going to have heart … Continue reading

84 Things You Don’t Want Your System Administrator to Say

Uh-oh… Oh S***! What the heck?!? Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this… Hey!! The Suns don’t do this. Terminated?!? What software license? Well, it’s doing SOMETHING… Wow…that seemed fast… I got a better job at Lockheed… Management says… … Continue reading

How to Install Software

A 12-Step Program” by Dave Barry from his new book “Dave Barry In Cyberspace” 1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this: SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS 2386 PROCESSOR OR … Continue reading

Ways Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Was Headquartered In South Georgia

Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw” Instead of “Ta-Da!”, the opening sound would be … Continue reading