Guide to College

Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where … Continue reading

assorted

An irate woman once told Churchill, when he was a young man and temporarily sporting a small mustache, “Young man, I like neither your politics nor your mustache.” To which Churchill replied, “Madam, you are not likely to come into contact with either.” – – ———————————————————————— A professor asked a … Continue reading

Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Have Been Different if Written by College Students.

Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t dorm food. Paul’s Letters to the Romans become Paul’s E-Mail to the … Continue reading

Light Bulbs and College Students

How many George Washington students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five–one to change the lightbulb, and four to complain that, for the money they’re paying, someone damn well ought to change the lightbulb for them. How many Carnegie Mellon students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four … Continue reading