Cloning Questions

Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by President Clinton’s special commission to study the moral and practical effects of cloning: Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree about something? Can … Continue reading

Top 10 Things That Will Change Now That Mark McGwire Has Hit

George Will has something else to talk about than Clinton, Gore, and Gephardt #62 will be replayed every year until someone breaks it in 30-odd years The Cardinals *might* not suck anymore Sosa will get back to the business of getting the Cubs to the playoffs The nation will join … Continue reading

Top 10 Reactions Of The American People About The Clinton Impeachment Inquiry

“This week’s made-for-TV movie: On My Knees, The Monica Lewinsky story” “You mean we’re paying these guys to look into Monica giving blowjobs to Clinton?” “Will this be on Springer?” “At least it gives Tim Russert and Sam Donaldson something to do” “When will the movie be released, Mr. Stone?” … Continue reading

Top 10 Things Independent Persecutor Kenneth Starr Found Out In His Investigation

Al Gore actually cannot move at all because his hair is a nest for endangered hummingbirds Vernon Jordan is actually a Wesley Snipes stunt double Ken will never be as popular as Ed Muskie James McDougal was killed by short-wavelength radiation from UN Black Helicopters Linda Tripp is actually Woody … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

Offensive Jokes

Why are chickens so ugly? You would be too if you have a pecker hanging out of your forehead. Where do you get virgin wool? From ugly sheep. What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s middle finger. What’s the brown stuff between elephant’s toes? Slow natives. What do you get … Continue reading

Carter better than Clinton-Part 2 of 2

100 Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Was a Better President Than Bill Clinton by P.J. O’Rourke The American Spectator September 1993 *Carter was a good man to have on board when your canoe was attacked by a swimming rabbit. *Carter hardly ever hugged or kissed anyone in public except Leonid Brezhnev. … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treat Is Better Than Sex

Guaranteed to get a little something in the sack If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you candy The person you are with doesn’t fantasize … Continue reading

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times Includes Late Night Humor President Clinton is trying to sell his budget to a GOP Congress. Being a Democratic President these days is a lot like owning a cemetary. There are lots of people under you but nobody’s listening. President Clinton … Continue reading

Bosnia

CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

politics

>From Contemporary Comedy – – —– This is the third anniversary of Bill Clinton’s election, and you know, looking back, I think the country was better off when Hillary was President. If you put Ross Perot’s ears and Bill Clinton’s nose and put it on Phil Gramm’s face, you’d have–Mr. … Continue reading

Where has All the Humour Gone?

Following the recent announcement that all available humour has been used, and is now being recycled, a very unexpected reaction has occurred in Congress. Responding to a flood of calls and letters,, members of both houses of Congress have come together to attempt to resolve the problem. In a rare … Continue reading

Political Humor

Seen on a bumper sticker: ************************************************* Let us pray for President Clinton: Psalm 109:8 ************************************************* Psalm 109:8 O’ Lord, May his days be few, and let another take his office. – Psalm 109:8 (KJV)

May be offensive to Clinton supporters

BILL CLINTON STATUE COMMITTEE LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS Dear Friend and Fellow Voter: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five million dollars for the purpose of placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C. This committee was in a … Continue reading

Top Seven Ways To Balance The Budget

Stop paying Clinton speechwriters by the word Get Letterman to pay his speeding tickets Serve canned hams at all White House state dinners Save government ink by replacing long “William Jefferson Clinton” signature with 70% shorter “Bob Dole” signature Make Gore and Gingrich pay for those good seats at State … Continue reading

Letter To God

There was a little boy who prayed every night for two weeks, asking God for $100. When he got no response, he thought it would be a good idea to write to God and see if that worked. The post office received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA,” they decided … Continue reading

3 boys

After the particularly long and violent storm had passed, 8 year old boys were walking together down the beach by the ocean. “Look” cried out one of the boys, as he saw the unconscious man lying there. The boys did CPR and the man revived. “Thank you boys. I’m President … Continue reading

Every 4th November

Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would … Continue reading

In The News

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times Includes some late night humor Reprinted without permission President Clinton has pledged air power to the UN effort in Bosnia. He would like to send tanks, artillery and other heavy weapons, but they’re all needed as evidence in the Waco hearings. … Continue reading

Signs You Have A Drinking Problem

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interferring with your drinking. Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. The back of your head keeps getting hit … Continue reading

Dumb Questions

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Why do they tell us to watch The Today Show tomorrow? Who is they anyway? Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected and so therefore one is expecting the … Continue reading

Top Ten Things Overheard At The Bobbitt Trial

10. “Who ordered the Diet Slice?” 9. “Could Your Honor instruct juror no. 4 to stop giggling?” 8. “Mr. Bobbitt, please rise” 7. “I paid $500 for this ticket, now deemed, I want to see Streisand sing!” 6. “What’s Andrew Giuliani doing here?” 5. “One million bucks. All you’ve gotta … Continue reading