Laws of Nature (1 of 2)

If nobody uses it, there’s a reason. Interchangeable parts won’t. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. You never find a lost article until you replace it. You get the most of what you need the least. Ralph’s Observation It is a mistake to allow any … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons The U.S. Is The Best Country On Earth

No dress code We’ve invented this cool holiday where all we do is blow up stuff Even a really, really dumb guy can host a talk show Guess what nation drank the most root beer last year? France? Think again, Buddy! Barney can beat the crap out of Mr. Blobby … Continue reading

Abort, Retry, Ignore?

Abort, Retry, Ignore? (To the meter of “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe…) Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading