Proper Floppy (Diskettes) Care

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

How Men Decide What to Wear

The Male Guide to Selecting an Outfit ———- ———– ——————- ——- | Are there| No | Are there | “What’s a | Are there clothes | No | Buy | |clothes in|—->|clothes in | hamper?” | strewn in random |—->| more | | dresser? | |the hamper?|———–>|piles on the floor?| … Continue reading

125 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

The average piece of chocolate is at least six inches long. Chocolates stay hard for a week. Chocolate won’t tell you size doesn’t count. Chocolates don’t get too excited. A chocolate never suffers from performance anxiety. Chocolates are easy to pick up. You can fondle chocolates in a supermarket. …and … Continue reading

10 COMMANDMENTS FOR TECHNICIANS

10 Commandments for Technicians — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — 1. Beware the lightning that lurketh in the undischarged capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most un technicianlike manner. 2. Cause thou the switch that … Continue reading

Proper Care Of Floppies

Please circulate this as broadly as possible to the user community. This is important information that everybody can use. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in … Continue reading

Dating “Don’ts” For Guys

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date… “Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?” “I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.” “No wine for me tonight. … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You’re Spending Too Much Time Surfing Web Sites

Your opening line is: “So what’s your home page address?” Your best friend is someone you’ve never met. You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see “Enhanced for Netscape 1.1” on one of the clouds. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Web … Continue reading

Clinton jokes

“On the twelfth day of Clinton, he promised we will see twelve jobs for Hillary, eleven billion for Boris, attention to the deficit, `nein’ to German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air Force). … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Motorcycles and men

—————————————————————— Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men ______________________________________________ A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour. Motorcycles never develop spare tires. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don’t get you pregnant. A motorcycle doesn’t care what time of month it is. Motorcycles don’t have parents. Your motorcycle … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

How to Clean Up Your Bad Language

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints received from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Nonetheless we … Continue reading