Idiots In The World

Sign in a gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a dollar! I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Warrantee Information

McDonnell Douglas AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey … Continue reading

White Trash

You’ve spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass. You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. When someone asks to see your I.D. you show your belt buckle. Your Junior and Senior Proms had a day care. Your … Continue reading

COLLECTABLES (part two)

27) LaLeche League baby bottles 28) Planned Parenthood “Just Say No” buttons 29) Southern Baptist Convention dance cards 30) Amish remote control garage door openers 31) NAACP lawn jockies 32) Marvin Gay’s recording of “Oh, My Papa” 33) ASPCA spurs 34) Tickets to the Annual Hillel Ham Supper 35) The … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

physics

A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class. Students were quick to comment on the professor’s genetics. Well, one day a student entered through the front … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs Your Shoe Salesman Is Actually The Devil

He helps customers sitting in front of him and in back of him by spinning his head around His store has big Hitler’s Birthday sale Offers you 15% off if you sell him your soul Name of store: “Thom McAngel of Death” When you tell him you don’t like a … Continue reading

Urban myths from Hell

from WIRED Magazine: The Ultimate Urban Myth: is a ten year old boy who is dying of cancer. Before he dies, he would like to set the world record for recieving the most Neiman-Marcus Cookie recipes. You can help by sending an irate fax to LEXIS-NEXIS demanding that they remove … Continue reading

101 Ways To Annoy People

As an expert on the art of annoying and irritating others, I have endeavoured to compile a list of methods I have developed, used, or read about, with which to annoy people. Some are very simple, some take preparation, some are very old and some are new. At least 1/4 … Continue reading