My Kid Is Better Than Your Kid

These four gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. “My son,” says one, “has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a … Continue reading

what a way to die …

“Darwin Award” Nominee You all know about the Darwin Awards – It’s an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which … Continue reading

Steven Wright quotes

STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES ==================== I got a postcard from my friend George with a picture of the entire earth. On the back he wrote, “Wish you were here!” Went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was the suspect. … Continue reading

If superhighways were like the internet

“Think of the Internet as a Highway.” There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the “Information Superhighway.” They don’t know didley about the net. It’s nothing like a superhighway. That’s a rotten metaphor. Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the highways were like the net. … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Fast Cars

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 1996 Turbo BeepBeep. The Turbo BeepBeep is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it cost its new proud owner $500,000. Admiring himself, and his new possession, he takes it out … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

You Know It Is Time To Get Out Of Consulting When

You know it is time to get out of consulting when… 1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are. 2. You decide to re-org your family into a “team-based organization.” 3. You refer to dating as test marketing. 4. You can spell “paradigm.” 5. You actually know … Continue reading

Actual Signs Seen Out-And-About

The following are actual signs seen across the good ol’ U.S.A. At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: … Continue reading

Why It Takes A License To Drive

Why it takes a license to drive The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Actual Insurance Form Statements by Car Drivers

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone … Continue reading

Four Engineers Travelling In A Car

There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says … Continue reading

Fast Chicken

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car, moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe. When checking his rear-view mirror, he noticed that a small object, followed by a trail of dust, was closing fast. His curiousity piqued, he slowed a bit to get a better … Continue reading

Customer Complaint

This one has been around for years, but I doubt many have seen it… it is a real letter written 25 years ago by a Shell customer to the company’s credit card division… ========================================== November 1, 1971 Shell Oil Company Credit Card Division 1703 One Shell Plaza Houston, TX 77002 … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading