All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 1 of 4)

Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. Twitch a lot. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. Become a subgenius. Inject his/her Twinkies … Continue reading

Drugs Education

Two cops were assigned to the local schools. Their job was to get the students to sign a pledge not to do drugs. After about two weeks their supervisor called them into his office. Why? he asked Do you have such a difference in success? Cop 1 is only signing … Continue reading

In-class Assignment: Tandem Writting

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first … Continue reading

University Entrance Exam: Football Player Version

What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a bridge sail the ocean lead an army or WRITE A … Continue reading

Laws of Nature (1 of 2)

If nobody uses it, there’s a reason. Interchangeable parts won’t. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. You never find a lost article until you replace it. You get the most of what you need the least. Ralph’s Observation It is a mistake to allow any … Continue reading

Gen A Sys

In the beginning, there was chaos and the Universe was without form and void. The Lord looked upon His domain and decided to declare His presence. “I be” he said, then to correct his grammar added “am.” If the Lord had decided to work on irregular verb conjugation first, this … Continue reading

Humour in Court

Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in London? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Leeds? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Liverpool? A..No. Prosecutor:- Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead … Continue reading

Are you in the market for a new toaster?

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. … Continue reading

Useless Facts (5 of 5)

Tomb robbers believed that knocking Egyptian sarcophagi’s noses off would and therefore forstall curses. The allele for six fingers and toes is dominant in humans. (Watch out Inigo Montoya…) The face of a penny can hold about thirty drops of water. Medieval knights put sharkskin on their swordhandles to give … Continue reading

Useless Facts (4 of 5)

The name for Oz in the “Wizard of Oz” was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence “Oz.” The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. Elton … Continue reading

Useless Facts (3 of 5)

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city. Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. John Larroquette of “Night Court” and “The John Larroquette Show” was the narrator of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” … Continue reading

Useless Facts (2 of 5)

The number of the trash compactor in Star Wars (20th Century Fox, 1977) is 3263827. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.” The international telphone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. A full seven percent of the entire Irish barley … Continue reading

Useless Facts (1 of 5)

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.” On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag. Barbie’s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. No word in the … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons Why Clint Beham Left Westminster

The Grim Reaper scared him away T1 just wasn’t fast enough Didn’t want to drink the required amount of alcohol for CS majors There’s these pesky things called “classes” that were getting in the way of his mudding He figured he wasn’t ready for college…or college wasn’t ready for him … Continue reading

The Dangers of Oxygen

Oxygen is a very toxic gas and an extreme fire hazard. It is fatal in concentrations of as little as 0.000001 p.p.m. Humans exposed to these oxygen concentrations die within a few minutes. Symptoms resemble very much those of cyanide poisoning (blue face, etc.) In higher concentration e.g. about 20%, … Continue reading

Why a Pentium is like a Penis

When a guy first realizes he has one, he plays with it for 2 weeks straight. The more money you spend, the more hard drive you get. Guys are always comparing the size of them. For enough money, ANYONE can own one. Floppy drive? Once you are on a pentium, … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

Picture This

The British Government’s policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called “Proxy Fathers”. Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father; a government employee … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

Learning To Spell With “Darnell”

This is “Learning to Spell with Darnell”. I be Darnell Jackson, and today we’re gonna spell the word __________. Spell it with me, now let’s use it in a sentence. Word Darnell Sentence Widen “When my girlfriend, Larina, told me she was pregnant I said, widen you tell me you … Continue reading

Seven of the World’s Easiest Questions

How long did the Hundred Years War last? In which country are Panama hats made? Where does catgut come from? What is a camel’s hair brush made of? What kind of creatures were the Canary Isles named after? What was King George VI’s first name? What color is a purple … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Rant

ON CLOTHES I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to … Continue reading