All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 2 of 4)

Dress in drag. Buy Lays potato chips with all your money. Stack the bags in the middle of the room in a pyramid. Eat them whenever your roommate is in the room. For every one you eat, offer your roommate one, each time telling him, “No one can eat just … Continue reading

All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 1 of 4)

Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. Twitch a lot. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. Become a subgenius. Inject his/her Twinkies … Continue reading

Laws of Nature (2 of 2)

THE UNFAILING LAW OF HUMAN OBSOLESCENCE When you finally master life’s route map – you fail the MOT. THE LAW OF STATISTICAL RESULTS If you laid all the statisticians in the world end to end they would all still point in different directions. SOLICITORS LAW Where there’s a will – … Continue reading

Buying Cars

Luckily, we live in a country where cars are fairly inexpensive; where your average Joe Bloggs can, for just a few dollars, look at a car way out of his price bracket and pretend that he’s a genuine customer. There are three generally accepted practices for purchasing a car; the … Continue reading

Are you in the market for a new toaster?

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. … Continue reading

Rules of Shared Apartment Living

If someone calls while you are on the phone, do NOT answer the call waiting signals, after all your conversation to your boyfriend’s, cousin’s, sister’s, ex-best friend’s, father-in-law’s, stepson is probably too important to be interrupted. Of course there is no need to record any messages on a piece of … Continue reading

How to Handle Stress PG

1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. 2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa. 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 4. When someone says “have a nice day” tell them you have other plans. 5. Find out what a … Continue reading

If Microsoft Built Cars

The Top-n ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars. (drumroll,please…) 1. A particular model year of car wouldn’t be available until AFTER that year,instead of before. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would … Continue reading

Virgin’s Guide to Love and Sex

As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everythiong you’ve ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? … Continue reading

The Young Man and The Pharmacist

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

Reality (Femidom)

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest developments in contraceptive technology, you know that a new female condom was put on the U.S. market last year. For those of you who can’t imagine it, the female condom looks something like a small latex windsock with a flexible ring at either end, … Continue reading

Non-Religious-isms

Here are a few interesting views on politics: Communisim: If you have two cows you give both cows to the government, and then the government sells you some of the milk. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government and then the government gives you … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

computers & cars

WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS? General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…. – – ————————————————————— HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?” … Continue reading

Ladies Changing room

18 STUPID AND HEARTLESS THINGS TO SAY IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOM # That’s a bit expensive just for a dare isn’t it? # I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday. # Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you … Continue reading

Dog vs. Man humor (may be offensive to some men)

1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both are threatened by their own kind. Both mark their territory. Both are bad at asking you questions. Neither tells you what’s bothering them. The smaller … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Making toast

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. … Continue reading

AOL Diskettes

Announcer: Are you sick and tired of having to go out and buy diskettes every other week to back up your files? Of course you are. Well, I’ve got some great news for you!! America Online has begun a new program of shipping out diskettes for people like you and … Continue reading

Republicans v. Democrats

And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays…… Republican say “Merry Christmas!” Democrats say “Happy Holidays!” Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army. Democrats help the poor by … Continue reading

Top Ten Things O.J. Simpson Had To Take Care Of Today

Plant bloody “thank you” note at Mark Fuhrman’s place Buy wedding gift for Michael and Lisa Marie Ask Johnnie Cochran who the hell was that guy in the courtroom with the knit hat Buy new gloves Watch tape of Academy Awards to see if Letterman was as bad as everyone … Continue reading

bible sales

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.” “OK, you’re hired. Here’s your kit; … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

Christmas Shopping: A Survivor’s Guide

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it “Christmas” and went to church; the … Continue reading