Are You A Foreigner?

Hotel receptionist in Spain to Englishman: ‘Are you a foreigner?’ Englishman: ‘Certainly not! I’m British!’

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians?

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday: Q. What does that red dot on women’s forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practising by aiming at their wife’s … Continue reading

Picture This

The British Government’s policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called “Proxy Fathers”. Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father; a government employee … Continue reading

The Countries of Europe (Offensive to Europe)

Country Description ALBANIA Albanians have it rough. Even the beaches are swept by searchlights. Also, how can you trust a country whose only celebrity lives somewhere else? Albania’s sole luminary, Mother Theresa, had to go into Third world charity work to get out of the place. National Pastime :- They … Continue reading

Law on the March

In Boston, they run you over when you try to cross the street… In Washington, they shoot you… In NYC, they flip you off… And in LA, all the pedestrians have been killed… But in Liverpool, it’s just a smile and a wave. A pedestrian who failed to thank a … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

The Top 17 Signs You’re at a Bad Renaissance Festival

The castle and village are made entirely of Legos. Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to Cocker Spaniel leg. Festival activities include “Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest.” Eight minute drum solo in the middle of “Greensleeves.” “Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh California Roll!” … Continue reading