The First Aid Treatment of Minor Mishaps

COMPLAINT SYMPTOMS TREATMENT APPENDICITIS Pain in right lower abdomen. Nausea, possible vomiting and fever. Who cares? It’s a vestigial organ anyway. Give him an aspirin. BURNS and SCALDS Redness, mild swelling, and pain. Blisters may develop. Peel away dead skin. Rub vigorously to encourage good circulation. CONVULSION Strong, jerking movements; … Continue reading

The World’s Best Worst Pickup Lines

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams. OR I want to call your mother and thank her. Is your daddy a thief? [“No.”] … Continue reading

Top 10 Things I’m Doing On Spring Break

Hacking root on Keystone and performing a kill -9 1 Contemplating why the college is raising tuition by 6%…oops…we’re not supposed to know that yet… Deciphering the secret language spoken by Kenny on South Park Leading a commando unit to capture the Rolling Rock brewery in Latrobe Badgering Westmoreland Online … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

The Chain Letter Of St. Paul The Apostle To The Corinthians

The Chain Letter of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians WITH CHARITY ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE This epistle comes to you from Philippi. Grace be to you and peace. Spiritual gifts will be delivered unto you within four days of receiving this letter–providing you in turn send it on. This … Continue reading

Life Got You Down?

If you’ve been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are a couple of cool ways to kill yourself. Even if you don’t use these exclusive royalty-free methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible. Don’t be boring and just take sleeping … Continue reading

Stress:

“The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.”

29 BEST PICKUP LINES

THE WORLD’S BEST PICKUP LINES 1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 2. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

30 things to do at a funeral

1. Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you. 2. Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens. 3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. 4. Tell the widow that you’re … Continue reading

“The Penis List” (some parts of it are bad)

THE PENIS LIST The Nuprin Penis: Little, yellow, different. The Equal Penis: Tastes like sugar. The Raid Penis: Kills bugs dead. The Excedrin Penis: It’s tthhhhiiiiiiissss big. The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing… Taste is everything. The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you. The Alkaseltzer Penis: Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires

15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead. 14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 11. Can’t enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck … Continue reading

student test answers

These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world. “When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.” “H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water” “To collect fumes of sulphur, … Continue reading

Running vs. Sex

Running vs. Sex RUNNING SEX ——- — Useful Fabric Coolmax Latex Best place to do it Outdoors Outdoors Reasons to do it alone High-Quality Don’t have to buy reflection time someone dinner Length of typical session 30 to 60 minutes 30 to 60 seconds Mystical connection If done right, see … Continue reading

Offensive to morticians

WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A FUNERAL 1. Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you. 2. Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens. 3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you … Continue reading

Light Bulbs and College Students

How many George Washington students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five–one to change the lightbulb, and four to complain that, for the money they’re paying, someone damn well ought to change the lightbulb for them. How many Carnegie Mellon students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four … Continue reading