All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 3 of 4)

Talk back to your “Rice Krispies.” All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them suffer.” Change the locks on the door. Don’t let your roommate in unless s/he says the secret … Continue reading

New PBS Schedule

Here’s a future PBS schedule if public broadcasting leaders cave in to Republican pressure by Mark Harmon, Associate Professor at Texas Tech. 8:00 am Morning Stretch: Arnold Schwarzenegger does squats while reciting passages of “Atlas Shrugged.” 9:00 am Mr. Rogers’ Segregated Neighborhood: King Friday sings “Elitism is neat.” The House … Continue reading

The Thinnest Books

“How to win a presidential election” by Bob Dole. “Things not to do on a first date.” by Hugh Grant “Guide to being accepted” by Dennis Rodman “Why I’m so darn Popular” by the Ayatollah “Guide to marital Bliss” by OJ “How to avoid the temptations of drugs” by the … Continue reading

Top Condom Slogans (1 of 3)

Cover your stump before you hump Before you attack her, wrap your whacker Don’t be silly, protect your Willie When in doubt shroud you spout Don’t be a loner, cover your boner You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong If your not going to sack it, go home … Continue reading

Old Bob Dole

“Old Bob Dole” Old Bob Dole was a grumbly old soul, A brooding old soul was he. He called for his wife and his running mate glib He asked for the presidency. Economy’s in the toilet, everyone knows, It’s all downhill now, said he. But I’m The Most Optimistic when … Continue reading

short books

Very Short Books 1) A Guide to Arab Democracies 2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman 3) Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean 4) Career Opportunities for History Majors 5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II 6) Detroit – A Travel Guide 7) Different Ways to Spell … Continue reading

Top Ten Surprises in the New Version of Star Wars

Part of Chewbacca now played by a shirtless Ed Asner Commander of the Death Star: Dr. Kevorkian Land speeders replaced with bitchin’ pink Miatas Comic relief provided by Cheech Marin as Luke Skywalker’s wacky Mexican caddy Darth Vader’s voice goes up three octaves after Dennis Rodman kicks him in the … Continue reading

Kid’s Answers to Questions on Love

WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?? “Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents!” -Eric, 6 “When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, ‘I’ll take you for a whole life, … Continue reading

10 Reasons Libby Dole would be a better Presidential candidate than Bob

10 Reasons Libby Dole would be a better Presidential candidate than Bob Dole: 1. Libby has a better smile than Bob. 2. Libby hasn’t retired. 3. Libby’s a lifelong Republican. Bob’s family were Democrats. 4. As President of the American Bloodsuckers Union, Libby actually has some executive experience. 5. Libby … Continue reading

You might be Republican if… (Republican offensive)

You might be a Republican if… You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese. You’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and Deduction two” You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. You’ve ever referred to someone as … Continue reading

Practical Jokes for the Office

Prank #1 Using the conferencing feature of your office phone, dial one person, then while it’s ringing dial another and conference them together. Put your own phone on mute and listen to see how long they’ll make small talk before figuring out that neither one placed the call. Prank #2 … Continue reading

Your Starship Captain Just Might Be A Redneck If…

Your shuttle craft has been up on blocks for over a month He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles You have a shuttle called “Billy Joe Bob” He refers to Klingons as “Critters” He refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns” He has the sensor array repaired … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading