Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Condom Joke

A (nationality-impaired) gentleman went to his local pharmacy to purchase some condoms. After browsing for a bit, he picked a package and took it up to the cash register. The clerk looked at the package and said “That will be $7.95 plus tax.” Our hero, a startled look coming over … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

2 Top Tens

——————————————— TOP TEN REASONS THE BRITISH LOST THE COLONIES ——————————————— 10. Hard to shoot straight with sissified powdered wig falling in your eyes 9. Wanted to just lose New Jersey but got carried away 8. Colonists on steroids 7. Spent too much time guessing who’s gay in the royal family … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Lucky Charms

Don’t cheat! Before you read on, choose your favorite marshmallow bit from Lucky Charms from the list below: Pink hearts Yellow moons Orange stars Green clovers Blue diamonds Purple horseshoes Those icky oat bits Okay. Have you got one in mind? Now you can read on. And don’t change it! … Continue reading

Ladies Changing room

18 STUPID AND HEARTLESS THINGS TO SAY IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOM # That’s a bit expensive just for a dare isn’t it? # I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday. # Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Jobs and lovemaking

Three married women were sitting around talking, and the subject of making love came up. The first woman said, “Well, I’m married to a psychologist, so whenever we make love, he always brings me home flowers and chocolates first, and it just puts me right in the mood, and we … Continue reading

Lawyer: Too Young To Die

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. “I’m … Continue reading

candy bars …

Candy Fun ————— It was another Payday, and I was tired of being Mr. Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetart, how’d you like to Krunch on my Big … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Redneck Computer Lingo

“Hard drive” — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. “Keyboard” —- Place to hang your truck keys. “Window” —— Place in the truck to hang your guns. “Floppy” —— When you run out of Polygrip. “Modem” ——- How … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Herman the Poison Platypus

_Herman the Poison Platypus_ (to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) Had a very lethal duck bill. And if he ever bit you, You would become very ill. (And you die..) All of the other platypusses Thought that Herman was a creep. They used to taunt and tease him … Continue reading