Homer – ASCII Art

___ _____ / / / / / / / / .’/,-Y” “~-. ( ) l.Y ^. O ( Mmmmm… Beer…. ) / __ o ( ) i ___/” ” / / / / / / / / | /” ” o ! l ] o !__./ _ _ .___./ “~ … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Betther Than Jesus

No one will kill you for not drinking beer. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex. Beer has never caused a major war. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves. When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away. … Continue reading

Politically Correct Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid

A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. A few peas short of a casserole. Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box. The wheel’s … Continue reading

Beer Facts

Beer is apparently cheaper now than it ever was, relative to income. In 1925, a gentleman could spend his weeks pay and get 77 tallies (750 mL bottles). The same gentleman in 1957 could spend his weeks wage on 89 bottles. 1969’s average wage netted 93 bottles of beer, and … Continue reading

Top 10 reasons why Iron City Beer is far superior to all others

Made from the great, mineral-rich waters of the Monongahela Free $20 bill that “Joe” slips into every can Every 6-pack has at least one can with Jack Daniels mixed in Instead of hops from the Midwest, it has the Hill District’s own home-grown pot It makes people like Mayor Sophie … Continue reading

Top 10 Beers That Never Made It

Flora — Beer made from daffodils and tulips Meltdown — a 5.4% beer — 5.4% H2SO4 Kill Nine — The beer for system administrators (“Kill nine lusers, tapes, and/or brain cells“) Schitz — Schlitz without the ‘l’, but it tastes the same George Michael’s Cream Ale — no explaination necessary … Continue reading

Rules To Be A Man

(100 ways to keep your Testosterone flowing) Don’t call, ever. If you don’t like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure itout by herself. Lie. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as “spike” If you lose something that belongs … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

True story – offensive to Smokey the Bear

I hate to admit it, but this happened to me way back in 1980– A few years after graduating from college, I returned to my folks home to retrieve a considerable number of storage boxes that I had left with them. These boxes were filled with books, course notes, old … Continue reading

Why Beer is better than Jesus

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus ————————————————- 10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer. 9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex. 8. Beer has never caused a major war. 7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves. 6. … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

If operating systems were beer

********************************************************* This Bud’s for you… If Operating Systems Were Beers… DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is … Continue reading

Battle of the Sexes

********************************************************************** I’m Glad I’m A Woman I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions I don’t get wasted … Continue reading

Why Beer Is Better Than A Woman

You can enjoy a beer all month. Beer stains wash out. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car. When beer goes flat you toss it out. Beer is never late. HANGOVERS go away. A beer doesn’t get … Continue reading

Reasons why cucumbers are better than beer

Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Beer —————————————— Cucumbers won’t give you a hangover. Cucumbers have fewer calories. Your wife won’t complain as much about you sitting around all day watching TV and eating cucumbers. You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment. Your wife won’t complain … Continue reading

Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Cucumbers

Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers —————————————– You can’t get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat. Beer bottles don’t get sprayed with pesticides Beer bottles don’t shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month. Beer is always in season. Beer … Continue reading

TOP TEN Methods to Kill your ‘X’

TOP TEN Methods to Kill your ‘X’ ——————————– 10. Run them over with their car. 9. Sniper attack from atop Tall Building 8. Tell his mommy about the back seat of her car. 7. Put HEAT (muscle rub) in his jockies. 6. Put drain-o in their beer. 5. Tell the … Continue reading

2 men are sitting in a bar……

A little man walks into his favorite bar and sits down to order a beer.He gets his beer and sits at the corner of the bar, quietly drinking his beer. A huge (Bubba Smith-type) guy comes in and sits next to him. All of the sudden the big guy turns … Continue reading

Homer’s Beer Song

DO RE MI DRINK DOUGH… the stuff that buys me beer RAY….. the guy that sells me beer ME…… the one who drinks the beer FAR….. a long run to get beer SO…… I’ll have another beer LA…… I’ll have another beer TEA….. no thanks, I’m drinking beer And that … Continue reading

Beer vs. women (more)

WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN 1. You can enjoy a beer any day of the month. 2. You can have two (or more) different beers the same night (or even at the same time) and no one will complain. 3. You can finish with a beer in as … Continue reading