Real Programmers Don’t Eat Quiche

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Stress:

“The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.”

Standard ______-List Reply Form

To : From: I have read your recent post concerning I regret that, because of severe time constraints, I am unable to respond to your posting directly. However, I would like to advise you that I believe that your posting: contains an unacceptable logic Number of Errors in: fact spelling/grammar … Continue reading

Rules to be a Man (more)

RULES TO BE A MAN (2) 50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you. 51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. 52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc. 53. Complain about not getting any mail. … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Signs You Have A Drinking Problem

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interferring with your drinking. Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. The back of your head keeps getting hit … Continue reading

The Programmer’s Quick Guide To The Languages

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma. TASK: Shoot … Continue reading