Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

The Reverend John Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something … Continue reading

Beer Facts

Beer is apparently cheaper now than it ever was, relative to income. In 1925, a gentleman could spend his weeks pay and get 77 tallies (750 mL bottles). The same gentleman in 1957 could spend his weeks wage on 89 bottles. 1969’s average wage netted 93 bottles of beer, and … Continue reading

The Full #Diet

BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER 2 loaves garlic … Continue reading

Virgin’s Guide to Love and Sex

As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everythiong you’ve ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

drunk decoy

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violators of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. He then sat … Continue reading

drunk jokes

A couple of drunks are sitting at a bar on the 10th story of a building. One says, “See that window over there? Well, if you were to jump out that window, the air pressure rising from the city’s activity would keep you from hitting the ground. If there’s enough … Continue reading

Forrest Who? (more)

Forrest Kennedy Ich ein un box of chocolates. Forrest Gore If global warming continues, the choclates will melt. Forrest Visa Card … because Hershey Park doesn’t sell any subpar chocalte and it doesn’t take American Express Forrest jones So, deion, will it be nutty or regular? Forrest Jefferson We hold … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

politics

>From Contemporary Comedy – – —– This is the third anniversary of Bill Clinton’s election, and you know, looking back, I think the country was better off when Hillary was President. If you put Ross Perot’s ears and Bill Clinton’s nose and put it on Phil Gramm’s face, you’d have–Mr. … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

Drunk in a Graveyard

A man leaves a bar barely able to walk. It’s raining and very dark. Instead of turning left on exiting the bar, he turn right towards the graveyard. It’s been raining for some time, and the grave diggers have had to abandon a grave they had dug which is there … Continue reading

2 men are sitting in a bar……

A little man walks into his favorite bar and sits down to order a beer.He gets his beer and sits at the corner of the bar, quietly drinking his beer. A huge (Bubba Smith-type) guy comes in and sits next to him. All of the sudden the big guy turns … Continue reading

2nd Graders Drawing

There was a class of second graders. For their assignment, the teacher decided that they would draw a class picture, where each pupil draws something on the picture, then hands it to the next pupil who will Add to it. So the teacher starts off by giving the blank sheet … Continue reading

Where to meet singles in 90s

THE PLACES TO MEET SEXY SINGLES IN THE 90’S…SORTA By Robert Mauro The usual places for singles to meet have been talked about and written about for ages. Take a cruise, they say. It’s better in the Bahamas. See Alaska’s Winter Wonderland. You can dance. You can eat. You can … Continue reading

What NOT To Put in a Resume Cover Letter

“I’m really keen to work for you – I hear the drugs are good.” “I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately every company I have worked for has since closed down.” “I’ll kill myself if I don’t get a job.” “I know where you live.” Any sentence beginning with … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Signs You Have A Drinking Problem

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interferring with your drinking. Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. The back of your head keeps getting hit … Continue reading