600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 4 of 6)

Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her “do you want a fuck (wait for a second gauging her reaction) …ing drink. Go up to a girl, ask her: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” She says no. Then wink. … Continue reading

600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 3 of 6)

Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to? If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me? If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut … Continue reading

Has Someone Said “You Don’t Know Jack Schitt….”?

Jack Schitt is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O.Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran the Kneedeep Inn-Schitt. Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt, and together they produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first child, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin … Continue reading

Birth Order

Composed by Jim Muncy Birth Order: Satire From a Youngest Child My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: Feeling the Baby Move First Child: I placed … Continue reading

Socialization of the Sexes

What really separates male from female is not external genitalia, nor the lunar cycle of the female. What divides us is babies. Woman, because of some hormonal or instinctual reason, know what to do with babies. To the female, this is natural. For men, it’s all a mystery we never … Continue reading

Are You: Pre-Boomer, Baby-Boomer, Generation X, or Generation Y?

Music should be… Melodic and romantic. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Sex is for… Married couples who want to start families. Anybody who wants to start a party. Latex-clad partners in a laboratory setting. Watching on TV. The American Dream is… A house … Continue reading

Universal Truths

MEDIA, TV, FILMS The hell with the Prime Directive – let’s kill something! Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die. He’s dead, Jim. You take his phaser, I’ll get his wallet. I hate you, you hate me, let’s go out and kill Barney – with … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Some Quotes From Children…..

At age 3 Anna was helping with the baking. After the eggs were carefully broken into the bowl, she eyed the mixer and inquired, “Can I make them dizzy now?”   Never having seen ballet performed before, little Jerry was surprised when he attended his first recital to see the … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons you can’t remember what was before life

John Hoban (Shibumi@epix.net) wrote in newsgroup alt.philosophy objectivism: : If there is no personal ego that can remember life before this one : how can one “remember”. Isn’t that supposed to be possible? — TOP TEN LIST BY T.A. DARCOS & COMPANY — (Not affliliated with Worldwide Pants, Inc.) (Drumroll) … Continue reading