Torch in DC

With all the hype about the Olympic Torch coming through the D.C. area, certain gory details about the Torch’s journey were omitted by the media (probably a conspiracy by those “black helicopter” guys). Accordingly, I thought you might like to see a minute-by-minute account of what REALLY happened as the … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Product Warnings For Physicists

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of … Continue reading

College Vocabulary

Word Descrption ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record. ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during “new student weekend.” ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what … Continue reading

Christmas Carols: Renamed

Try to figure out which Xmas carols these are!!! Move hitherwards, the entire assembly of those who are steadfast. Ecstasy towards the terrestrial sphere. Hush, the celestial messengers produce harmonious sounds. Creator, cool it, you kooky cats. O tatterdemalion ebony atmosphere. The thing manifested itself at the onset of a … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Driving Tips for Maine

Living smack in the middle of a place like Maine means that you have to drive a fairly good distance to get anywhere that doesn’t look like a Jack Daniel’s ad. You know the ones where there’s a black and white picture of some old redneck with no teeth to … Continue reading

Microsoft washes hands in innocence …

One of Microsoft’s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The tech looked … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

You Might Be A Grad Student If…

You just might be a graduate student if… …you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate. …your carrel is better decorated than your apartment. …you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. …you are startled to meet … Continue reading