Gen A Sys

In the beginning, there was chaos and the Universe was without form and void. The Lord looked upon His domain and decided to declare His presence. “I be” he said, then to correct his grammar added “am.” If the Lord had decided to work on irregular verb conjugation first, this … Continue reading

Internet Geek — Top 10

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU ARE AN INTERNET GEEK (10) When filling out your driver’s license application you give your IP address. (9) You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is “Hi, what’s your URL?” (8) Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends … Continue reading

File restoration application…

APPLICATION TO HAVE A FILE RESTORED ———————————– Your name ? ________________ Your login name ? ________________ Which project ? ________________ 1. Urgency <1 hour __ 1-2 hours __ 2-4 hours __ next day __ next week __ never __ 2. Reason for needing restore ? Accidental deletion __ Accidental corruption … Continue reading

Resume

——————- (These are real examples from real resumes and employment applications) RESUME –Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. EASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: –Responsibility makes me nervous. –They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.I Couldn’t work under those conditions. –Was met with … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Title Deeds

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to property offered as collateral. The title dated back to 1803, and he had to spend three months running it down. … Continue reading

Genesis II

============================================================================== Genesis II (Author Unknown) What would happen if God had to do it all over again? AND GOD SAID: “IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH.” He was then faced with a Notice of Violation and a class action lawsuit for failing to file a Part A notification … Continue reading

ANT Genocide

Ants in your house? Try this: Method A: AARDVARKS Application: Sprinkle Aardvarks liberally around ant nests and known ant hang-outs (seedy ant-bars, and the like). Pros: 100% Natural, little supervision required. Cons: Once having consumed their fill of ants aardvarks tend to lose motivation. Should they gain control of the … Continue reading