Shit Happens in Various World Religions

Religion Shit Happens
Taoism Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn’t shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it… (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism Confucious say, “Shit happens”.
Confucious says, “If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY.”
Buddhism If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
If shit happens, it isn’t really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.
Zen What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism I’ve seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.
Protestantism If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
Calvinism Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Episcopalianism If shit happens, hold a procession.
Lutheranism Shit happens, but as long as you’re sorry, it’s OK.
Anglicanism It’s true, shit does happen — but only to Lutherans.
Catholicism If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Charismatic Catholicism Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism Why does shit always happen to US?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Reform Judaism Got any laxatives?
Islam If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
If shit happens, take a hostage.
We don’t take any shit.
Nation of Islam Don’t take no shit!
New Age That’s not shit, it’s feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn’t shit if I really believe it’s chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honor it and share it.
Were all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
Wicca If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.
Jehovah’s Witnesses No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Knock Knock, “Shit Happens.”
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.
Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
Secular Humanism Shit evolves.
Darwinism Survival of the shittiest.
Creationism … And the Lord said “Let there be shit” … and there came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.
Christian Science When shit happens, don’t call a doctor–pray.
Shit doesn’t happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Shit happens in your mind.
Atheism I don’t believe this shit!
Shit doesn’t happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!
It looks and smells like shit, so I’m damned if I’m going
to taste it.
Religion from an Atheist’s point of view I haven’t smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it’s shit.
Agnosticism It looks and smells like shit, but I haven’t tasted it, so I’m not sure whether its shit or not.
What is this shit?!
I don’t know shit!
How can we KNOW if shit happens?
You can’t prove any of this shit!
Rastafarianism Let’s smoke this shit!
Hey, this is good shit, mon.
Mormonism If shit happens, shun it.
Excrement happens. (you can’t say ‘shit’ in Utah)
Hey, there’s more shit happening over here!
Our shit is better than your shit.
Shit happens again & again & again …
Energizer Bunny Shit happens and happens and happens and …
Baptist You are shitting all wrong, and you’ll be punished for it.
We’ll wash the shit right off you.
Southern Baptist Shit will happen. Praise the lord!
Iraqi Baathist Oh shit!
Voodoo Shit doesn’t just happen — somebody dumped it on you.
Let’s stick some pins in this shit!
This shit’s gonna get you!
Televangelism Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening…
Unitarianism What is this Shit?
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
It’s not the shit that matters. It’s the process.
Orthodox St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Greek Orthodox Shit happens, usually in threes.
EST I am at cause that shit will not happen.
You’re responsible for all the shit that happens.
Fundamentalism There’s no shit in the Bible.
Shit happens, but don’t publish it.
Twelve Step Shit happens one day at a time.
Amish Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.
Native Americans Shit is sacred when it happens.
Shintoism You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism This shit happening is good for me.
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
Christianity stole half its shit from us.
Bahaism Why do you keep shitting on us?
Mysticism This is really weird shit.
Paganism Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Rajhneesh Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Rosicrucianism What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.
Witchcraft Mix this shit together and it will happen!
Scientology All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
Shamanism Whoaa…Holy Shit!
Sikhism Leave our shit alone.
Moilanenism Smells like shit of finnish fish.
Sureshism You are all pieces of shit.
Branch Davidianism May shit happen to the FBI!
If shit happens, have a BIG barbecue…
David thinks he’s hot shit.
Divorcism She’s full of shit!
He’s fooling around with some worthless piece of shit.
… but Judge, you can’t give her all that shit!
Creation Science Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Discordianism Shit makes the flowers grow and that’s beautiful.
Kibology What’s shit, and where can I get some?
Spam Spam happens.
SubGenius Shit has happened. For $20 “BoB” will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
Dianetics “Why does shit happen?” (p. 157)
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