Everyone who watched the movie “Roxanne” will recall the scene in a bar where
Steve Martin’s character humiliates a wise- guy who has made a rude remark
about his nose. The guy is asked if he can’t come up with some wittier remark
than he made, and he sarcastically asks if Martin can come up with something
better. Martin says he can in fact produce twenty “Something Betters”.

Did anyone notice that in fact he reels off TWENTY-FIVE?

1. Obvious: “Excuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face?”

2. Meteorological: “Everybody take cover, she’s going to blow!”

3. Fashionable: “You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
something larger, like Wyoming.”

4. Personal: “Well, here we are, just the three of us.”

5. Punctual: “All right, Dellman, your nose was on time, but you were fifteen
minutes late.”

6. Envious: “Ooh, I wish I were you, to be able to smell your own ear.”

7. Naughty: “Pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn’t
mind putting that thing away.”

8. Philosophical: “You know, it’s not the size of a nose that’s important,
it’s what’s in it what matters.”

9. Humorous: “Laugh and the world laughs with you; sneeze and it’s goodbye

10. Commercial: “Hi, I’m Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95.”

11. Polite: “Ah, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, ah, orchestra
keeps changing tempo.”

12. Melodic: (Everybody) “He’s got the whole world.. in his nose.”

13. Sympathetic: “Ooh, what happened, did your parents lose a bet with God?”

14. Complimentary: “You must love the little birdies to give them this to
perch on.”

15. Scientific: “Say, does that thing there influence the tides?”

16. Obscure: “Hoo, I’d hate to see the grindstone.”

17. Enquiry: “When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid?”

18. French: “Sir, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you

19. Pornographic: “Finally, a man can satisfy two women at once.”

20. Religious: “The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn’t he?”

21. Disgusting: “Say, who mows your nose hair?”

22. Paranoid: “Keep that guy away from my cocaine.”

23. Romantic: “It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the
coffee … in Brazil.”

24. Appreciative: “Ooh, how original! Most people have their teeth capped.”

25. Dirty: “Your name wouldn’t be … Dick, would it?”

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