Quotes and Sayings (1 of 2)

  • 100.000 lemmings can’t be wrong.
  • 1948 – A novel for dyslexics by George Orwell.
  • A bank manager is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain.
  • A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
  • A friend in need is a pain in the ass.
  • A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.
  • A man is as old as the woman he feels.
  • A phone call costs less than you think. Soon it’ll cost more than you believe.
  • A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
  • A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
  • Absolute zero is cool.
  • Alas poor kiroY, I knew him backwards.
  • All that glitters is not gold. – All that doesn’t glitter isn’t either.
  • Always be sincere – Even when you don’t mean it.
  • Always put the important before the merely urgent.
  • Always tell her she’s pretty, especially when she isn’t. Always yield to temptation – it may never pass your way again.
  • Amnesia rules – OK
  • Amnesia rules – OK
  • An Australian lover is like a wombat :- he eats roots, shoots, and leaves.
  • An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
  • An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
  • Anarchists of the world unite !
  • Anarchy, No rules – OK?
  • Anyone who can see through a woman is missing a lot.
  • Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, ought to have his head examined.
  • Are you a schizo? – If so, that makes four of us.
  • Arsonists of the world, ignite!
  • Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.
  • Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
  • Avoid life – It’ll kill you in the end.
  • Be alert – your country needs lerts.
  • Be apathetic today. – I think I’ll leave it till tomorrow.
  • Be creative, invent a perversion.
  • Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors – (and miss).
  • Blow your mind – smoke gunpowder.
  • Charity covers a multitude of sins, but curiosity soon uncovers them again.
  • Conscience is the little thing that tells you someone is sure to find out.
  • Constipation is the thief of time.
  • Dead people are cool.
  • Death is hereditary.
  • Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God’s sake do it first!
  • Don’t Panic.
  • Don’t Panic. Count to ten … then Panic!
  • Don’t Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
  • Don’t drink water, fish breed in it.
  • Dyslexia rules KO.
  • Dyslexics of the world untie !
  • Einstein rules relatively OK – in theory anyway.
  • Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener.
  • Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes.
  • Get stoned – Drink liquid cement.
  • God is not dead – he just couldn’t find a parking place.
  • Happiness can’t buy money.
  • Have you read the Penguin Book of Quotations. (I never realised penguins had that much to say.)
  • Help preserve wildlife. Pickle a Squirrel today!
  • Heredity is the thing a child gets from the other side of the family.
  • How do the Japanese do it? Because we let them.
  • I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it by not dying.
  • I have a drink problem, I can’t afford it.
  • I looked up my wife’s family tree. Most of her relatives are still climbing around in it.
  • I used to be a schizophrenic, but now I’m lonely.
  • I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • I’m immortal – so far.
  • If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
  • If a woman wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
  • Ironic isn’t it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
  • Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
  • It is now beyond any doubt that cigarettes are the biggest cause of statistics.
  • Jesus Saves – and Dalglish gets the rebound!
  • Jesus Saves – not on my salary he doesn’t.
  • Jesus Saves – with the Woolwich.
  • Jesus Saves, Moses invests, but only Buddha pays dividends.
  • Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people and shoot them.
  • Just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
  • Keep Britain tidy, shoot a tourist.
  • Laugh, and the world laughs with you. – Snore and you sleep alone.
  • Laugh, and the world thinks you are an idiot.
  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  • Lord give me patience……But Hurry!
  • Love Thy Neighbour – But don’t get caught.
  • Love is blind. And when you get married you get your eyesight back.
  • Make love, not war; get married and do both!
  • Marijuana is nature’s way of saying “high”.
  • Money can’t buy friends but it can buy a better class of enemy. – Spike Milligan.
  • Money isn’t everything. – It isn’t even enough!
  • Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them, and Psychiatrists charge them rent.
  • Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
  • No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
  • People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.
  • Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination
  • Real Ale – reaches the parts Heineken daren’t mention.
  • Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
  • Reality is for people who cannot cope with science fiction.
  • Reincarnation is making a comeback!
  • Sado-masochism means not having to say you’re sorry.
  • Save trees, eat more beavers.
  • Say it with flowers – give her a triffid.
  • Smile – things may get worse more slowly.
  • Smoking – think of it as evolution in action.
  • Study art and logic – learn to draw your own conclusions.
  • Sudden prayers make God jump.
  • Support British steel – smelt the Iron Lady.
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