OS California

[To the tune of Hotel California by The Eagles]

In a dark deserted office
Alone and open-plan
Strong smells of black coffee
Percolating through my fan
Took a look at my user
He would give a zombie fright
Though his eyes grew heavy and his head grew dim
Still he had to hack through the night

There she sat on her CD
A nymph beside her well
I wondered if it mattered
If I were Compaq or if I were Dell
Then she fondled my chipset
And pulled my plug-and-play
As she reconfigured my Ether card
I heard my speaker say

Welcome to the OS California
What a change of pace
What an interface
Plenty of apps for the OS California
Pay without a fear
They will all be here

Her kernel’s so Tiffany twisted
I get the Mercedes bends
When she runs lots of pretty pretty apps
From all her friends
How they dance in my low core
Oh how I sweat
Desp’rate to remember
Desp’rate to forget

So my man phoned his Mac friend
Who laughed at him down the line
And said, That interface was two years old
In nineteen eighty-nine
Still those adverts assault me
From far away
E-mail-bombed in the middle of the night
Just to have me say

Welcome to the OS California
What a change of pace
What an interface
Here’s a new patch for the OS California
What a nice surprise
It’s an ali-buy

A hall of memory mirrors
Pretend protected mode
She said, We are all prisoners here
Of two decades’ code
And in the master journals
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their stern reviews
But they still can’t kill the beast

Last thing I remember
There were discs all over the floor
He was hacking for his life to get me
As I was before
Hard luck, said my BIOS
We are programmed to deceive
You can reboot as hard as you like
But you can never leave

Bookmark the permalink.