7. “What kind of hard disk do you have?” Well… It’s black
with a little red light … (groan).
8. Most common support call. “I lost my CMOS setup. How many
heads, cylinders, and sectors does a _______ drive have?”.
9. “I move the mouse in any direction and the cursor only moves
an inch or so on the screen and stops”.
Take the foam shipping ring out from around the mouse ball.
10. “My systems on fire. What do I do?”.
Ummmmm. Turn it off? “(Click)”
11. Most hated support call: “I’m not sure if we need a computer
system. Can you give me the relative advantages of Unix, DOS,
Windows, Novell, MacIntosh, Sun, etc…?”.
12. Favorite software support call: “I just installed Word 6.0
for Windows. It’s really big and slow. How much will it cost
to upgrade my machine?”
13. “My floppy drive won’t read disks”. I suggest they clean out
the dust from the drive. “I can’t”. Huh? “The dust won’t move”.
I find that they were using spray glue near the machine and that
all the dust was glued in place.
14. How to impress a new customer: I walk into the computer room
and knock the fire extinguisher off the wall which immediately
sprays everything with dust.
15. “My printer stopped working”. Turn it upside down and shake
out the staples and paper clips. Works every time.
16. “Can you teach me how to use a computer?”.
I answer: No. I just fix the machines, I don’t use them.
17. The company motto: “If this stuff worked, you wouldn’t need me”.
18. From one of my smarter clients:
“Why is something broken every time you’re here?”