Men’s 43 or so Rules For Women

Okay, guys. So the women have their little list of rules for men. I took it upon myself to create a similar list for the womenfolk. FER GAWD’S SAKES CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?!

by Yer Uncle Tom

  1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.
  2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
  3. Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall.
  4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
  5. Shopping is not fascinating.
  6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
  7. Unless the answer is yes.
  8. In which case, can he videotape it?
  9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
  10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
  11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
  12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
  13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
  14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
  15. He heard you the first time.
  16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too… Let’s spread the rejection around a little.
  17. If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.
  18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
  19. The guy doesn’t ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
  20. Dogs good. Cats bad.
  21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
  22. If he has to sit through “Legends of the Fall”, you have to sit through “Showgirls”.
  23. “Fine.” is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
  24. Do not question a man’s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
  25. He was not looking at that other girl.
  26. Well, okay… maybe a little.
  27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…
  28. There is nothing inherently wrong with the word “cunt”.
  29. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.
  30. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
  31. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
  32. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
  33. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
  34. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
  35. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
  36. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
  37. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you’re with.
  38. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
  39. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
  40. Don’t hog the covers.
  41. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that…
  42. He does not just want to be friends.
  43. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: “You know, why don’t we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?”
  44. Just because this list doesn’t have as many entries as yours doesn’t mean it’s worse. SO GET OFF MY GOD DAMN BACK!
Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Pretty component of content. I just stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to say that I get actually loved account your weblog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing in your augment and even I success you access persistently rapidly.

  2. I do like the manner in which you have presented this concern plus it really does offer me some fodder for thought. Nonetheless, coming from just what I have seen, I basically wish when the comments pack on that men and women stay on issue and in no way embark upon a tirade involving the news du jour. Still, thank you for this excellent piece and while I do not really concur with this in totality, I value the point of view.

  3. just click the up coming article

    Excellent website you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics talked about in this article? I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get advice from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Cheers!

  4. You have observed very interesting points! ps nice web site.

  5. Hello there! I may possibly have sworn I’ve been to this blog formerly excluding following browsing through a little of the post I realized it’s pristine to me. Anyhow, I’m positively blissful I found it and I’ll ensue bookmarking and checking back frequently!

  6. cornwall website design

    I’m impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.

  7. I just want to say I am newbie to blogging and absolutely loved this page. Almost certainly I’m likely to bookmark your blog post . You actually have superb well written articles. Thanks a bunch for sharing your web page.

  8. I simply want to say I’m all new to blogs and honestly liked this page. Almost certainly I’m planning to bookmark your blog . You definitely have wonderful article content. Cheers for sharing with us your web site.

  9. offshore investment

    Excellent site. Lots of useful information here. I am sending it to some pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks for your sweat!

Comments are closed