Laws Of The Internet

  • First Law: Netlag is the Lowest Common Denominator.
  • Second Law: When you need to be Somewhere, You Can’t Get There.
  • Third Law: The Sysop is Actually a Minion of Evil.
  • Fourth Law: When Sysop is Unavailable, all usually goes Well.
  • Fifth Law: You Will Never Have Enough Quota.
  • Sixth Law: Net Lag and the Need to Be Somewhere have equal and opposite reactions.
  • Seventh Law: The Internet is Habit Forming, and May be Hazardous to Your Health.
  • Eighth Law: The use of Internet Services while under the influence of School could result in loss of Sleep.
  • Ninth Law: 2 + 2 = 3.9999999999999999999999999999999
  • Tenth Law: When All Else Fails, Kick.
  • Eleventh Law: Netsex is Frustrating.
  • Twelfth Law: If Law 11 is Not You, you are Sysop Material.
  • Thirteenth Law:
    1. Always Wear a Virtual Condom When Engaging in Questionable Acts With Strange Computers.
    2. When a Virtual Condom is unavailable for use, Type Carefully.
  • Fourteenth Law: Always Remember, Your Existence Depends on the Electric Company.
  • Fifteenth Law:
    1. (Modem Users Only) In an Electrical Storm, turn off your computer unless its a matter of Life, Death, or Net Sex.
    2. Disregard if the Computer is Owned by Someone Else.
    3. Completely Disregard if Computer is University Owned; they’ll replace it anyway.
  • Sixteenth Law: Smilies 🙂 are Universal.
  • Seventeenth Law:
    1. *Hugs* are Freely Exchangable for Other *hugs*
    2. However, *snugs* and *hugs* are Not Interchangable.
    3. *Snugs* are Exchangeable for other *snugs* only if you can disregard Law Eleven.
  • Eighteenth Law: Never Pee On Your Computer.
  • Nineteenth Law: On a BBS, MU*, and so forth, If You are Female, you will be Hit On.
  • Twentieth Law: Real Life and Virtual Life Don’t Mix.
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