Laws of Nature (2 of 2)

THE UNFAILING LAW OF HUMAN OBSOLESCENCE When you finally master life’s route map – you fail the MOT.
THE LAW OF STATISTICAL RESULTS If you laid all the statisticians in the world end to end they would all still point in different directions.
SOLICITORS LAW Where there’s a will – there’s a relative.
THE KISS OF DEATH LAW The likelihood of what appears to be a wise and impressive statement of fact being reversed by nature almost immediately it is made, is enhanced by the importance of the speaker.
THE FIRST LAW OF FAMILY FRICTION A woman’s financial needs are five pounds more than the money available.
THE SECOND LAW OF FAMILY FRICTION A woman’s dressing time expands to fill the time that isn’t available.
THE WAVELENGTH PARADOX Find a good tune on the radio and its followed by the news – in Dutch.
THE LAW OF FORWARD MOTION In any thoroughfare where two vehicles are to pass, this will always occur at the point where the only other vehicle in sight is parked.
LAW OF FORWARD MOTION AMENDMENT Stopping behind a car in the right-hand lane at traffic lights makes the driver ahead signal a right turn.
LAW OF FORWARD MOTION AMENDMENT 2 Having driven miles on an empty road, a car will always appear in the opposite direction when you want to turn right.
LYNCHS LAW If you have just bought something at a bargain price and ask the wife to guess how much you paid, she will always give a figure less than you actually paid.
LYNCHS LAW ADAPTATION Buy something today and tomorrow someone could have got it for you cheaper.
ENTICKNAPS LAW When an employee leaves, the replacement will know less, do less, and be paid more.
THE FACE SAVERS LAW The greater the importance of the event being prepared for, the worse the shaving cut.
THE MEASURE OF INCREASING IMPORTANCE A man’s importance is proportional to the distance from his office door to the desk in feet multiplied by the thickness of his office carpet in centimetres.
HOUSEWIFE’S LAW The sudden disappearance of family is due to the readiness of food.
HOUSEWIFE’S SECOND LAW The speed at which you tidy up equals the time available before the guests arrive.
HOUSEWIFE’S THIRD LAW The number of utensils needed to prepare a meal is equal to the number of utensils available in the kitchen.
THE PHONE DIRECTORY DICTUM Where two people have the same name and initials in a telephone directory, you will dial the wrong person.
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