Humour in Court

  • Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in London?
  • A..I refuse to answer that question.
  • Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Leeds?
  • A..I refuse to answer that question.
  • Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Liverpool?
  • A..No.
  • Prosecutor:- Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
  • Doctor:- ALL my autopsies have been on dead people.
  • Magistrate: Are you normally aggressive, Mr.Jones?
  • Prisoner: No, yer ‘onour!
  • Magistrate: If I called you “truculant” what would you do?
  • Prisoner: Don’t know. Smash yer face in, most likely.
  • Magistrate: Are you deaf, Mr.Smith?
  • Prisoner: No Sir.
  • Magistrate: Then why didn’t you hear the car’s horn ?
  • Prisoner: I had my mother-in-Law in the car, so I’d turned my deaf-aid off.
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