How cold is it? (An Annotated Thermometer)

60 degrees – Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe)

50 degrees – Miami residents turn on the heat

40 degrees – You can see your breath Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming

35 degrees – Italian cars don’t start

32 degrees – Water freezes

30 degrees – You plan your vacation to Australia Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don’t start. Your boogers freeze

25 degrees – Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 degrees – You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further South.

15 degrees – French cars don’t start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 degrees – Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 degrees – You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don’t start.

0 degrees – Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 degrees – German cars don’t start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 degrees – You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 degrees – Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don’t start.

-25 degrees – Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 degrees – You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don’t start.

-40 degrees – Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip South.

-50 degrees – Congressional hot air freeze. Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 degrees – Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south.

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