Here Are Some Letters Sent To Dear Abby:

  • DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? – CURIOUS
  • DEAR ????: Either that or thespians
  • DEAR ABBY: I’ve been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what he can get? – GERTIE
  • DEAR GERTIE: I don’t know. What’s he getting?
  • DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgment? He says he’s saving for a rainy day. – FORTY YEARS HITCHED
  • DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it’s raining!
  • DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like? – CAROL
  • DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.
  • DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible? – KAY
  • DEAR KAY: Only if they don’t work.
  • DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? – WONDERING
  • DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
  • DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and he’s still chasing women. Any suggestions? – ANNIE
  • DEAR ANNIE: Don’t worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.
  • DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? – TED
  • DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
  • DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. – ROSE
  • DEAR ROSE: So would I.
  • DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for six years and have five kids. No twins. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.
  • I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his!
  • I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
  • I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with my suspicions he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
  • Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
  • Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
  • I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
  • My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy!
  • I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
  • Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn’t and he finally did it.
  • My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
  • I met this nice guy who was in the service. He’s the chief petting officer.
  • Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he IS a doctor.
  • This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said “I Will” he knew damn well he couldn’t.
Bookmark the permalink.