Glossary of Computer Terms

*File Description: Glossary of Computer Terms*

640K barrier: the finish line in a mega-marathon
access time: foreplay
analog: what Ana tosses into the fire
assembly language: put tab A into slot B, then put tab C…
audit trail: what the IRS does
Bandwidth: limited by the size of the stage
Battery Backup: going in reverse in a golf cart
BBS: t-telling t-tall s-stories
benchmark: what happens when your saw hits the bench
broadband: an all female rock group
cache memory: remembering how much you spent
carrier detect: “I see the mail man!”
CASE: 24 bottles
Control Character: prison guard
conventional memory: remembering what you did at COMDEX
copy protection: wearing a rubber
copyright: vs. copy wrong
cursor: a garbage mouth
daisy chain: a dog’s leash
DAT: the opposite of DIS
deadly embrace: making love to King Kong
delimiter: some who says, “Stop, that’s enough”
density: how to measure IQs of blondes
dhrystones: the stones that were tossed out of the water
DIP switch: how my sister gets a new boy friend
dot pitch: “Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball”
EDCDIC: similar to herpes
EMS: happens just before PMS
end user: a prisoner’s cell mate
escape sequence: Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut throw fence…
Ethernet: used to catch Ether
fixed disk: a broken disk that comes back from the shop
flash EPROM: what they have on 90210 (Flashy Proms)
flat bed scanner: a hooker looking for loose change
flat file: a file with all the air out of it
full duplex: a 2-family house with 16 occupants
groupware: clothes swapping
hacker: a heavy smoker
half-height drive: a midget’s sexual capacity
hand scanner: singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings
heap: what I drive
high density diskette: a very stupid floppy
home computer: what you tell your computer when it follows you
hypertext: text on amphetamines
ink jet: a plan used for sky writing
integrated circuit: a circuit with black & white components
joystick: (requires little explanation)
local bus: stops at every intersection
lost chains: euphoria experienced by the recently divorced
low-level language: for basement programmers
high-level language: for penthouse programmers
machine dependency: an affliction of machine users
mag tape: tape used on the wheels of cars
mainframe: akin to “main squeeze”
main memory: remembering where the water line is
math coprocessor: the person you cheated from in math class
megaflop: the worst play you ever saw
minicomputer: the pier to Mickey’s computer
modem: what the gardener did to the lawns
multi-sync: can be sunk more than once
native mode: head hunting
on-line: where the birds sit
overlay: chickens making too many eggs
pentium: the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
plotter: a deceitful person
postscript: grafitti on a pole
protected memory: remembering to wear a condom
record locking: what you do to your Beatles White Album
right justified: vs. wrongly justified
software piracy: stealing a ship’s program
spreadsheet: a hooker’s foreplay
streaming tape: party decorations
subroutine: not quite routine
surge protector: a condom
token ring: a group of people passing the bong
trackball: what sprinters and runners often get
twisted pair: tubes tied
word wrap: black music
worksheet: a prostitutes office
Ymodem: because, modem

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