Funny Stories

Two guys were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting, one guy said, “I’m going to walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there, then turned around and walked back. Smiling sheepishly, he said, “Small world.”

A guy carrying a couple of buckets walks up to a farmer. He asks the farmer “I see you have some milk-weeds in your fields, do you mind if I get a bucket of milk?”
Umm, Sure” the farmer responds.

The guy goes into the field and plays with the milkweeds for a few minutes and comes back with a bucket of milk. “Thank You. I noticed you have some honey-suckles by you fences. Can I get a bucket of honey?” asks the  guy.

A little confused the farmer says OK and watches the guy close.The guy walks to the fence and plays with the flowers for a minute and comes back with a bucket of honey.
Thank You. One last thing, I noticed you had some pussy-willows over there…
Hang on” interrupt the farmers as he grabs his coat-“I’m coming with you.”

A guy finds a lamp and just for fun he gives it a rup. Smoke pours out and a djinni appears. “I will grant my new master three wishes, but you must know my last master wished that whatever you wish for, your mother-in-law gets twice as much.”

“Ok” says the guy as he thinks for a moment. “I wish for a million dollars!”
*POOF* A million dollars appears.

“Now I wish for a mansion in every state.”
“Are you sure? Remember you mother-in-law gets twice as much?” asks the djinni.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
*Poof* He gets his wish.

“And for your last wish, master?”
The guy thinks for a few minutes and responds-
“I wish for you to beat me half to death!”

A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and…soon he  needs to take a leak. He’s standing at the urinal in the men’s room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white cock.

He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, “I was in the men’s room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white cock! The bartender says, pointing, “You mean those three guys at that table over there?” “Yes”, the man says, “They’re the ones.” “Well,” replies the bartender, “those guys aren’t black. They’re coalminers. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch.”

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